Name change for this one.
I left STBX 13 months ago. We have older children. (teens and 20s). We were married for 25 years and nobody had a clue anything was wrong apart from eldest DD who has been with us in some form pretty much our whole relationship! 
I believe what I experienced was emotional abuse but my DM has implied it was just normal falling out and relationship stuff, and my STBX has said he would do everything for me and I was just never happy and very high maintenance to live with. I read stories of abuse and am roundly horrified by what some people go through.. Can I have some measured opinions? (I'm not going back either way. It's definitely over).
Drinking. At least 5 days a week and usually a bottle of wine and 4 beers minimum. Then would be party man and then weird, 'bite your head off if you said the wrong thing' guy. Parties were terrible. I found myself asking him to try and not get too drunk. He would literally be lurching all over the place, flushed, argumentative and inappropriate (smarming over available women).
Temper. Any time I questioned a decision he would have a major sulk (could go on for days). When we were younger he grabbed my neck and pushed me against a wall in an argument. Also threw an iron, crockery and a kettle 'near ' me. This is obviously abuse. However, this was also 20 years ago and he didn't do it again.
Password. He believed that he should have the passwords to all or any emails and social media. If I changed them without him knowing he went ballistic. (He had his own though). He said he had no intention of looking, it was just about trust.
Previous relationships: He said it would have been way better if I was a virgin when we met and was very jealous of any exes. Made me apologise for having them and said if we were ever to bump into them I was to tell them I despised them.
Money. Spent it like water and got us into a lot of debt.
Contraception: I didn't want to go on the pill as it doesn't suit me. Told me that as I had once been on the pill for a few months before in a previous relationship that this was insulting and hurtful. It was a constant, constant argument.
Friends: Didn't like one of my friends as she knew one of my exes so asked me to break off all contact. I wasn't allowed male friends as apparently men and women cannot be 'just' friends. Said that he should be the only one I confided in.
Porn: Wanted me to flirt with other men and join a swingers club. Pointed out this was nuts, especially with his jealousy but said it was fantasy and I should indulge it.
Control: Didn't want me to do various things (go to events alone, change jobs etc) as he considered them dangerous and wanted to protect me.
Weight: I'm a bit plump and he encouraged this. Told me I looked old if I lost weight and got very upset when I joined a gym.
Looking at that list (and there is a lot more!) it does all look odd, but on the flip side he did try and give me anything I wanted and of course we did have some good times. It is certainly not one of those stories I read where the abuse is horrific and obvious, more a tale of a very, very strange and jealous man.
What are your thoughts?