I'm so upset for always forgiving him

[Worstnight]

Im devastated that after three years of being in a relationship, which friends told me was abusive I've been cheated on and dumped.

I'm in my early 20's and ended the relationship a few times but he begged me he'd change so I always went back. He'd make "jokes" about my appearance and say I was being too sensitive. He would flirt with others and say I was jealous or insecure. He would deny he'd said things and say I'd imagined them and that I was a psycho.. He was always angry with me but everyone else thought he was wonderful and I was the moody difficult one.

I'm so upset and angry with myself. Why did I let myself be fooled into thinking things woud get better. Why was he always saying he imagined us getting married in the future?
I don't know how to move on from this.

He's anyone. These are classic abuser tactics. Read up about it. Give yourself time to heal. Be a supervisor. Atom never to allow yourself to be hoovered back into his warped reality again.

Get educated, read the Lundy book first to find out how abuser type:

Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why Does He Do That? docdro.id/py03

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Information on sick systems:
www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems.html

The shark explanation:
www.google.com/amp/s/www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/amp/

Read up on the F.O.G
Fear, Obligation and Guilt
Out of the FOG is a good book

The opening chapter of this book is a great read:
Power
amazon.co.uk/POWER-Surviving-Narcissistic-Collection-Narcissism/dp/1945796324&ved=2ahUKEwikqYzdkJXqAhWJQUEAHSVBDF8QFjAMegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw1ZCj-0LUkQfcT-QQGkUm_A]]

For more details:
How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1855942208/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_gxxAEbBTMRXTM?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

For help on setting boundaries:
Boundaries
amazon.co.uk/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454&ved=2ahUKEwiI-_G8kJXqAhXPTsAKHf2RA2QQFjAMegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw04hvQ_8v2A95RpGSxSJxiV]]

For help on being separate from him:
Codependent No More
amazon.co.uk/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025&ved=2ahUKEwj05aWAkZXqAhXMbsAKHUGnDVoQFjAKegQICRAB&usg=AOvVaw22s2NxLWZ4Z2t0VO6bfF1o]]

For help on healing:
The Body Keeps the Score
amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748&ved=2ahUKEwiA676MkZXqAhWKYMAKHT07CWAQFjAMegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw0SYc1OQsdpcMbb9xt493MM]]

Take this opportunity to learn from your mistakes and reflect upon why you allowed yourself to be treated so horribly. What was your example of relationships while you were growing up? Are you repeating these same patterns? Your future does not have to be like this but it takes a willingness to examine what led you to this in the first place.

Thank you, will have a look at the book recommendations.

I had good role models growing up so can't see any patterns as to why I was fooled by my ex. I feel upset, angry stupid to have let it carry on and believing he would change.

Stupidly I always felt sorry for him as he used to cry when I tried to end it. He'd say he may as well be dead.

He kept me hidden from his social media so looked like he was single. When I challenged him he'd say our relationship was private.

I have been a total fool.

You loved him and he took advantage of you, he abused you. Forgive yourself but learn from it and use it as experience in future, only to give your love to the ones that treat you with kindness and respect.

You learn from mistakes.
So make sure you are ready next time.
This guy was an abusive prick.
They are master manipulators.

Do some reading as per recommendations above.
Have a look on-line for the Freedom Programme - it's run by Womens Aid and you can do an on-line version.
It will help identify abusive twats in future and avoid them.
It will help with your self-esteem so get googling and reading.
Be very glad he is out of your life and do not allow him back ever again.
He will try. Get your boundaries in place and don't allow him to overstep them again.

Block him on everything. All messenger services, all social media, even Linked-In!!!
Do not engage with him again - EVER.
Speak to your parents and let them know what has happened so they can help you if he comes crawling back.

Thanks you for all the advice.

I have blocked him and would never ever get back with him. He has found another fool anyway.

I will hopefully be ready next time and not fall into the same trap.

I never thought he'd do this to me. I gave him chance after chance and he'd beg me not to end it.