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Original poster

Dating Etiquette

16 replies

MummyGoingItAlone · 22/06/2020 22:13

Please somebody help me with dating etiquette, as in dating two people at once?
Is it ok if there’s no sex? It feels a bit weird to be honest but don’t want to keep investing weeks/months on one person to be back to square one 😒

OP posts:
dudsville · 22/06/2020 22:16

It's been a long time since i last dated but i enjoyed lining up dates. I saw it as getting to know someone and didn't like to be exclusive until it came to sex, but that for me was more about sexual health.

chubbyhotchoc · 22/06/2020 22:23

Of course you can. I only had Fridays free. I went on two first dates pretty much every Friday night when I was dating. I'd schedule one for 6:30 and one for 8:30. They got an hour to an hour and a half. If one was ok they got two -three hours the following week and anybody waiting for a first date had to wait. If I happened to have more than one evening free, second dates got Saturday and I still did my first dates on Friday. No sex or kissing on first dates. Possibly a kiss if second date went well. Took me about 6 months to meet my dh this way.

Original poster
MummyGoingItAlone · 22/06/2020 22:34

@chubbyhotchoc

Of course you can. I only had Fridays free. I went on two first dates pretty much every Friday night when I was dating. I'd schedule one for 6:30 and one for 8:30. They got an hour to an hour and a half. If one was ok they got two -three hours the following week and anybody waiting for a first date had to wait. If I happened to have more than one evening free, second dates got Saturday and I still did my first dates on Friday. No sex or kissing on first dates. Possibly a kiss if second date went well. Took me about 6 months to meet my dh this way.
How did you keep up with that?! It’s just two people. My memory is terrible so I’d be forever slipping up!
OP posts:
StarlightLady · 22/06/2020 22:41

Even if you have sex it is OK, until you both agree that it is exclusive.

Original poster
MummyGoingItAlone · 22/06/2020 22:45

@StarlightLady

Even if you have sex it is OK, until you both agree that it is exclusive.
Thank you. I know it’s ok to do, its not multiple men, it just feels odd.
OP posts:
chubbyhotchoc · 22/06/2020 22:51

@MummyGoingItAlone well most don't make it past a first date anyway so it's not that difficult. I had a great time. Lived in a big city so it was great trying out different bars and restaurants. Met lots of interesting men. If you don't get too hung up and over invested dating can be fun.

coronaway · 22/06/2020 23:04

I personally can't do it even though I know it is the most sensible, logical approach to dating nowadays.

funnylittlefloozie · 22/06/2020 23:12

But if it "feels odd" to you, OP, and makes you uncomfortable, you dont have to do it. There are no actual rules. If only dating one person at a time makes you feel more comfortable, then that can be your rule.

sunnyshoresgalore · 22/06/2020 23:16

The same etiquette as a lot of men have... none! It's your life do what YOU want.

NaughtyLittleElf · 22/06/2020 23:39

The trouble with one at a time it's so easy to get over invested too soon, and apart from the risk to your feelings it also scares men off.

BlueTide · 22/06/2020 23:44

A friend did the same as @chubbyhotchoc she kept a spreadsheet, and took her 9 months to meet her dh.

chubbyhotchoc · 23/06/2020 05:44

@BlueTide it really is a good way of doing it. I think men sense too that you're busy and not over invested. It makes them work harder for your attention which is never a bad thing.

Original poster
MummyGoingItAlone · 23/06/2020 07:15

[quote chubbyhotchoc]@BlueTide it really is a good way of doing it. I think men sense too that you're busy and not over invested. It makes them work harder for your attention which is never a bad thing. [/quote]
I never thought about it as them working harder for my attention. I like that logic 😊

OP posts:
cheezy · 23/06/2020 07:23

Currently navigating the murky waters of OLD. It’s a shame that I have so little going on socially that i can’t use the excuse of being busy at the moment. When I did OLD years ago I felt it best to keep a few on the boil at the same time - for the exact reason that you’re less likely to become over invested. Now I want a spreadsheet.

Speaking of OLD what’s the best alternative to Guardian Soulmates?

Lampan · 23/06/2020 08:01

Do what you feel comfortable with, but never assume you are exclusive with anyone until you have had the conversation. I think the majority of online daters would be open to dating more than one person at once, which can seem complicated but is more efficient I guess!

fuckoffImcounting · 23/06/2020 17:53

I used to date a few at a time - saves getting stuck thinking too much about some arsehole.

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