Hi all, I haven’t posted before but really need some advice.
My husband and I moved to a new town last year (we don’t live in the UK) and became friends with another couple who we met up with regularly, with our children. We all got on very well and became close friends.
Over this time I regularly noticed that the husband in the other couple was very tactile towards me – his hand would linger on my shoulder when we said goodbye etc. When we were dancing at a New Year’s Eve party he held my hand for a few seconds. I didn’t really get the impression that he fancied me, but more that he liked me as a good friend and that he was just a very tactile person.
Speaking very honestly, I did fancy him and thought about what it’d be like to kiss him, but I never had any intention to act on it. My husband and I don’t have much sex any more since kids came along but we are happily married.
Anyway this weekend we all went to a party at a friend’s house. I was pretty drunk, and so was my friend’s husband. We were dancing with lots of people and then spent some time outside talking with other friends and then on our own. He put his arm round me, and stroked my back a bit, and I let him. We held hands. I enjoyed the attention, and knew it was more than purely platonic, but again I didn’t attempt to kiss him or anything like that, or vice versa.
At the end of the night we all went home and the next day I got a call from his wife, accusing me of having acted inappropriately with her husband. I denied it and said that he had always just been tactile with me and so me with him, but nothing more. I said that he put his arm round me and was slow to let his arm drop, but didn’t say anything about him stroking my back. She was fuming angry with me (and with him), and has now said we can never be friends again, and won’t return my calls. I don’t know what he’s told her about what happened, or what is happening with them now.
I know I was in the wrong to hold hands with him and to enjoy the attention/affection, but don’t know what to do now. I’m scared that he might tell her about stroking my back and that she will bad mouth me in our new town. I’m also really sad to lose this friendship. I’ve told my husband that this has happened, but said that the guy was just a bit too tactile with me (didn’t mention him stroking my back or holding his hand), so am worried about him finding out that a bit more happened. I know I’ve been silly to let this happen but need some advice about what to do now – accept that I was in the wrong and that I need to lose the friendship as a result, or do I try again to talk to her? Should I tell my husband the real details of what did happen, even though only minor?
Never been in this situation before and feeling so stupid and so guilty for letting this happen and for risking my marriage, their marriage and our friendship…