Sexless

[peach1234]

Hello,

Just wondering if anyone has had a marriage/relationship that has survived or got better after a long time without sex? It's now been 2 years... no other problems at all and haven't got the confidence to approach the subject and hoping it gets better on its on but the longer it goes the more worried I am it will never change.

@OhYeahYouSuck I think that's what I mean by is it now too late? I think even just very recently it's gone from feeling annoyed and desperately wanting him to want me to being past that and friend zoned as pp hit the nail on the head! How did it get to that point with you if you don't mind me asking? Did you go off it first or did you go off him because of the lack of intimacy?

When I got married 10 years ago a dear friend was going through a difficult divorce. He signed my guest book (along with the congrats etc) 'talk to each other'

It had ALWAYS stuck with me.

OP everyone has different experiences, no matter how many replies of other people's experience you get on this, it's not going to change anything for you. Each couple got there for various reasons, had various, more or less matched libidos etc etc. I am really not trying to sound harsh, but at this point it looks like your are just procrastinating what you need to do, which is talk to him. Hugs and good luck.

"...at this point it looks like your are just procrastinating what you need to do, which is talk to him. Hugs and good luck."

This. Unless you already want to file for divorce - which would probably be rather unreasonable without having even tried to discuss this problem with your DH and fix it - you need to talk to your DH about this now. Things may feel rather platonic right now (frankly, I think that's pretty common in the early years of parenting when parents are tired and their emotional energy is focussed on their children) but as PP have said you can probably recover the husband/wife dynamic if you don't leave it too much longer - after all your feelings were strong enough to cause you to marry and commit to raising a family together. There was plenty of powerful emotion between you and there may well be a path back to that. It would be a shame to throw that and your family life away without even trying to address the problem. And you would almost certainly regret doing so.

To answer your point a few posts back, yes it is very surprising that he isn't gagging for it and you need to ask him why. Men normally have a physical need to ejaculate frequently and if this is not met by sex he is almost certainly masturbating as a substitute.

Or there are other possibilities, all of them worse. So talk.

Please try and get to the bottom of the problem with a listening ear and a willingness to understand (also your own boundaries).
My husband unilaterally refused to have sex or discuss it after the birth of our second child.

It very nearly killed me, the amount of effort, love and commitment I willingly gave to someone who, it turns out, was contemptuous of my feelings and sensibilities.

We went on to have a third child (by some miracle) and things just got worse.

We separated over 4 years ago. He has a long term partner and I'm picking up the pieces of a shattered self esteem.

Please face this head on. That way you can say you tried your best, regardless of how he behaves. Then you're in a better place to make decisions.

Nobody will be able to make things any clearer for you apart from him. Write him a letter if you're struggling to get the words out. You NEED to talk to him. Good luck!