Feel unsure and need some friendly advice

[PatKelly]

I’ve been dating my BF for on and off 5 years. He was in and out of work whereas I’ve worked and paid a mortgage for 20 years. I left my ExH 6 years ago. My kids are 15 and 12.
I have my own house, car, work full time. My BF moved in with us about 18 months ago but I ended it because he wasn’t working or paying anything. We ended up getting back together after a few months.
He has stayed here for 3 months with the lockdown as we are both key workers and my 2 DDs stayed at their Dads as he is furloughed.
Over this 12 weeks, he hasn’t paid anything towards bills etc, although he did buy more than half the food shopping. I’m back to feeling resentful.
I don’t know what I want, but I do know that my home is for my DDs and I have a will so when I die it’s theirs.
I feel loved when I am with him but I do feel taken advantage of, financially.
It sounds pathetic when I write it and read it back. I wanted him to work hard and want to share the expenses of living together.

You've got yourself a proper cocklodger, and it's a shame you chose to get back together with him. If you have hopes he will change, I assure you he will not. He clearly has no problem with taking complete and utter advantage of you, and if you kick him out, which you should, he'll just move on and find another woman willing to be a doormat. Give your head a wobble and get rid.

Maybe you shouldn't have moved in together. I personally wouldn't allow someone who Doesn't work to move in with me. Him being financially unstable/ in and out of work would be a red flag for me.

Sit him down and tell him that he needs to be able to contribute towards the bills. And if things don't change he would need to leave.

If you've broken up over this before, then I assume he knows it's an issue. The fact that he has paid for some of the food shopping makes me think that perhaps he does think he is pulling his weight? Guys can be hopeless sometimes. Have you had a straight up conversation about it? Maybe that's all it needs, he doesn't realise that he isn't pulling his weight.

I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt before letting it escalate and build up to the point where you blow.

Good luck!

My friend did mention the phrase cocklodger when I told her what was happening.... a term I had never heard before. Then I googled it! :/

Listen to your friend. She's right.

Update: 6 weeks since we split and after this he tells me “he would have paid money towards bills” and “he was going to pay for our holiday” and “I was going to take you away for a weekend near Christmas”
He had his ex wife’s names tattood on his shoulder for years and has since had a coverup after we split. Speaks volumes!
I feel hurt and emotional (it’s the anniversary of Mams death) so that’s why I think I feel more sad today.
Thanks for all the good advice from Mumsnet! Onwards and upwards :)