Serial dater? No go?

[famousforwrongreason]

I have been chatting with a guy for a while, lots of mutual friends and interests, it started off in a particular hobby group then more recently moved into flirtation.
I have no interest in a relationship atm but I do miss male attention and company, possibly because of lockdown..
Anyway. I mentioned to a couple of mutual friends that he has upped the flirting and we might meet up. He's become super keen very attentive and chatty, friendly possibly future faking and love bombing but maybe not to extremes..
One friend knows him through her partner, not well but partner is close to him, so the partner says he's a good guy.
My other friend said she sort of had a thing with him maybe a year ago or so and he messed her around something shocking, back and forth with another girl and her and she says he is a nice guy but appears to be a serial dater and she doesn't think he's awfully trustworthy where women are concerned.
He told me he was dating a woman before lockdown but it didn't work out. She's a mutual friend too, but not close, she still likes and comments on his posts which leads me to wonder if she actually knows they stopped dating before lockdown or does she think they're not meeting because of lockdown?
I could tell by his voice He was definitely uncomfortable when he realised that we knew each other.
So it's stupid me even considering meeting him.
I'm enjoying being single after the debacle of my last relationship. I don't want to get caught up in anything but I would love a bit of testosterone in my life and he's currently the 'best' offer on the table ...
So have come on here for the obligatory roasting

If your eyes are wide open and you're not looking for a commitment anyway, I see no issue with meeting up with him. You can always decide to stop dating/hanging out if any of his behaviours bother you.

@aquamarine that sounds really sensible. It's kind of what I was thinking but I do seem to be quite susceptible to arseholery.
Also... If I decide to fwb someone who's already pretty keen does that mean I'm asking for trouble when I try to keep things light?
Hmmmm, all these questions lead me to conclude it's Too Soon.

Although he seems keen, if he’s a serial dater, he would probably be very happy with a no-string fwb relationship.

I've found those who want to start FWB always seem really keen, its the way to get sex. Its after you start sleeping with them they cool off. If you can keep it light then theres no harm. Just remember what hes telling you from the start.

Are they close friends of yours who he has been dating? If this was the case I wouldn’t bother.

I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who had already had sex with two of my mates 🤢

Yes true to all of this. No they're not mega close friends, one is a reasonably good friend who I meet infrequently but we chat regularly and the other is a friend from a long time ago who I'm pretty much just online friends with now altho we talk about meeting up, you know...
So we're in a small town.
The dating opportunities are slim and the opportunity in my age range is even slimmer.
You're very very likely to be having sex with someone who's shagged your mates or friends of friends in our very shallow pool. It's just a matter of fact
Hence my last relationship being ldr. Trouble was I had nobody who knew him at all, so it took me much longer to realise, and was a much bigger shock when it all came to a head and I realised he'd been lying from day one.

Yes @Mermaidwaves and @Fiveasidefootballfamily you're probably right. I am so fickle, too keen freaks me out. Not enough keen makes me feel worthless

So you are looking for something casual /no strings. And he loves to date :) I'd go for it. You already know his history (which isnt anything bad, really) and he is described as a good guy.

Well he's throwing up lots of red flags, and you are explaining them all away and saying you only want a FWB. If you genuinely weren't that invested, you'd have binned him off over the way he was clearly hiding something about the woman he's seeing (or not seeing).

You are playing with fire, OP, and it really isn't his future hurt feelings you should be worrying about.

Lots of overthinking here, OP.
Are you sure you are not looking for a relationship? It sounds more like you are but scared to admit it as your last relationship hurt you.

There is nothing wrong with the guy. You all sound young and dating and moving on is totally normal. Dating is about figuring out if people are compatible and want to be together. And if not - then people move on.
It didn’t seem that the women who dated him are somehow heartbroken and are still friendly with him - so clearly it was sort of casual for all involved.
Same thing you are looking for - according to what you say.

So - I’d say - don’t overthink. Go with the flow. And don’t over-invest in the relationship before it becomes a relationship

I'm an over thinker. It's part of my condition.
I genuinely 100% don't want a relationship at this time in my life. It is too busy and other things need my focus more.
I Just love sex and men's physical presence and energy, but I don't enjoy one offs with strangers. I like regular sex with one person where physical intimacy means you learn the right buttons.
I just find sex with the same person very powerful once you find a rhythm.
But I don't want to be in even a casual thing with someone who is devious.
It might sound silly when I don't want to be seriously linked to anyone at the moment but... I don't allow devious deceitful manipulative friends in my life , and I don't want those kinds of people people putting their penis in my vagina, it feels like a very negative energy.

As a 'that escalated quickly' update, It transpired I was right to be wary as one of the women did some deducing and it transpires she absolutely did believe that she was still in a relationship with him and is now really upset
I think this was part of the issue for me. Because I have been very badly hurt, I don't want to be complicit in another woman's pain. She is a very sweet woman who is also vulnerable and has been very badly hurt and traumatised by men.
I think I over invest in thibking/catastrophising because I want to protect myself and am also possibly quite vulnerable in some ways.
Despite genuinely not wanting to be in a relationship I don't want to lower my guard to someone headfucky because the best intended fwb can go pear shaped for many reasons including a love bombing future faker who's skilled in the art of manipulation.

Sounds like he can't hold a relationship down and likes to date anything with a pulse. I'd avoid. Forever.

I wouldn't bother. Sounds like he isn't honest with people, so he'd be the same with you. Who needs it?

Too much overthinking. Date a ton and rotational date to stop all this over investment

Seriously, there is not a ton of dates to rotate.
I dated most of the OK ones last time I was single.
Maybe there'd be less 'over thinking' if there were more people in the dating pool. When you don't have much choice I guess it's easy to focus too much on the one opportunity.
Even if I hadn't been given info re his fickle nature I'd have been put off by his overkeen nature. He's clearly got a style which includes bombardment.

But yes I'm giving him a swerve. I don't want to be caught up in a thing which included two people I know being messed around with at the same time

Get a profile on more sites, get better photos taken, go to singles nights when lockdown lifts. If you're reasonably attractive you should have at least two first dates a week. If you do all that and you still don't have lots of dates, take up some hobbies and get busier so you're not obsessing about the ones you do have.

@chubbyhotchoc if I wasn't 'fussy' I could have daily dates until I'm dead.
I'm very busy and don't want to waste my precious time on people who aren't good company for me.
I'm not 'obsessing' ffs. This is a forum re relationships with lots of dating posts and I am posting a very reasonable question regarding a situation which has arisen and has been resolved.
Its not like I have eschewed all other communications with other men, just that this situation arose.
There's plenty of offers in real life as well as on date sites. But currently am iin lockdown and keyworking so not having much opportunity to meet like minded people through my many hobbies and interests.
I know that my photos are fab by the amount of attention and offers I receive and from the feedback I get in real life .

I have spoken to plenty of blokes, on and offline. I'm just a bit choosy, not even choosy really, I have standards, and judging by conversations with friends, I'm not the only person in my age bracket who feels its slim pickings for us.
And many, many posts on here suggesting that women of my age find it difficult to meet someone suitable 🙄

It's not that they're all bad but it might be other things such as political alignment and social attitudes.

The last singles event I attended was awful and exactly the same blokes or the same type there as on the date sites. One, a very successful solicitor said later on 'its cheaper than using prostitutes'.

I also have friends and family and no way do I want two dates a week just for the sake of numbers. I prefer quality over quantity.