Any bi peeps about?

[Toughtips]

I need to unravel my thoughts... And I'm so confused about things and I just can't stop thinking about it. So I thought maybe if I just write it down and maybe others share their experiences of this it might help me feel better.

I'm 29, married with kids. Not always happily married and broke up in-between this time but nevertheless we are back together now.

This past year I've started to feel different, like an awakening and it got me thinking that im most likely bisexual. I've had gay experiences with girls as a teenager but I repressed it as I was embarrassed to have a label even though all my friends used to call me a lesbian.

I've never come out about it to be honest because I just don't like labelling it. But I'm just feeling very confused and don't feel like I could really tell me husband because he would probably not have a good reaction to it.

I do love him and would never want to act on any of these feelings I just can't seem to shake that I feel like I've missed something.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this and do the thoughts go away? I suppose it doesn't help that I have a crush on a woman in work with and do fantasize about her.

I have always known I was bi and am married to a man, but had relationships with women. For you it sounds more difficult as you have just accepted something that was always there.

I think this feeling of missing out is there for a lot of people, whether straight or otherwise, but is more complex for someone who is bi.

I will be honest, I have experienced a lot of bi phobia and quite a few lesbians wouldn't date me because of it so it isn't always an easy path to go down. The grass isn't always greener either, dating can be a nightmare.

What you need to work out is whether you are happy in your marriage and whether you can accept how things currently are. If not then you need to decide whether you want to stay in your marriage.

I finally realised that I was bi at the age of 34 and I had a thread on here a while ago about whether or not to tell my husband. I did and he really wasn't fussed about it at all as he knows I love him and wouldn't act on anything. Only you can decide if it's worth letting your husband know.

When I first came to terms with my sexuality, I felt like I wanted to explore that side more as I'd only been with a woman once, but now I'm quite content and appreciate the great relationship I have with my husband. If we ever separated though, I would most definitely want more sexual experiences with women.

Even now, not everybody knows that I'm bi, as I don't feel the need to tell everyone just for the sake of it. The people who are most important to me are all aware though.

Writing was very helpful for me when I was going through similar.

For me, part of it might have been my age (I was about 30 when this started and our kids were all out of the little kids stage so I finally had energy to go out more...), but it was mainly because we were going through a lot of shite - extended family drama, immediate family deaths, health issues, terrible "friends", so much was just hell in a handbasket. I felt at the time that things I'd put aside as a teenager were all coming at once and that I had to deal with them to move on, but now - years later - it was more that everything was confusing and out of control, including some of my emotions, but at least those I might get some control in how it worked out.

I wouldn't say the thoughts entirely went away, but I'm now very happy with how things are. I came to fully accept that, while there are other possibilities, I was more than satisfied with the path and person I've chosen. My crushes have fizzed out and I accept, as already said, that no matter how I feel or what others say, the grass isn't always greener and I have no regrets. All the ones I thought I had were momentary.

My spouse is also bi and we knew that about each other and he's aware of my previous relationships and experiences so I'm not much help with that. I do regret having listened to people who pushed me into feeling that I needed to explore and focus on what I was missing and that I dragged him into being a soundboard on it all. He was entirely accepting and even now says that, while it wasn't the greatest time and timing, he has no issue with it, but I dislike that I got so into what I could be that I lost sight of what I had and what I put him through. As pp said, only you can decide how much of this to discuss with your husband, but I do recommend finding a writing space that can be kept away to help get it all out and work things out.

*This past year I've started to feel different, like an awakening and it got me thinking that im most likely bisexual. I've had gay experiences with girls as a teenager but I repressed it as I was embarrassed to have a label even though all my friends used to call me a lesbian.

I've never come out about it to be honest because I just don't like labelling it.*

I've felt a lot of this, bar being called a lesbian and having gay experiences.
My family are homophobic and the thought of my mum rejecting me made me suppress the feelings, so I pretended I was straight as an arrow to myself. She's rejected and criticised me throughout my childhood which cause my current mental health issues that I am working on.
I've just started thinking about whether I am bisexual or not or whether it comes on wanting to be looked after by a mother figure (past abuse) or admiration for females. I don't know, but I'm trying to be careful not to advance too far for myself for want of an answer.
I've talked to a bisexual friend about it and she says that you can be straight and have these feelings.
However, something that might tell me what I am looking for is that I have never desired to touch or be touched by a woman in their/my private parts. I'd like to be admired by selected women and complimented on my naked form.
Breasts don't attract me either.

I've known I was bi since I was about 13. In my teens and early twenties I had no problem with the idea of being bi at all.

At 24 I started to feel very conflicted about it for various reasons. I do get a sense of missing out sometimes if I'm single and looking for a partner of some kind. Because most of my experience has been with men, I don't have much confidence with women.

I've had a few half hearted flings, and last year I had a girlfriend for a few weeks, which was really nice and she was completely forgiving of my being inexperienced, and just showed me what she liked (but I don't know how much what she likes would be 'transferable' to any future partner.) Unfortunately that relationship ended for various reasons, but for me it was quite a positive experience.

I've had some male partners that fetishize bi women and their mind immediately goes to the idea of threesomes! It's quite annoying.

The psychological discomfort goes through phases. Lacking confidence to meet women/get involved with looking for a female partner has been the least pleasant aspect of being bi in recent years (I'm 43 now.)

At the moment I'm single and not really looking for a lover or partner of either sex. I'm not in a particularly sexual phase, but am comfortable with my sexual identity at the moment. I would have to come across someone in everyday life, as I CBA to look much, but maybe will go along to some meet ups etc after Corona just to meet like-minded people. Getting involved in the LGBT scene is a lot easier than it was in the past as there's more stuff on.

Depending on your husband's personality, you might have to disillusion him about what your sexual identity means. rolls eyes

But none of you sound like your husbands/partners are as annoying as that, thankfully.

That's interesting you say that @JaffaJaffJaffpussycatpuss . I find the female form much more attractive than the male form, but psychologically it's easier for me to idolize men than women (maybe daddy issues.)

Cheers all. It's so hard and so damn confusing but I need to quash all these thoughts and put them back in their box. I don't want my marriage to end because of this and I'm sure the thoughts and feelings I have for the wiq will go away.