Husband just not interested in fathers day

[pinkpetrol]

Just that really. He mentioned yesterday that he might book a boat for us all to go out on the Thames. Today he's changed his mind, is doing chores, playing on his PlayStation and sunbathing. He's quite happy opened his cards, smiled but just not really engaging with anyone. The kids have gone off to their rooms and it's just another normal day. It just feels a bit flat

Is he happy?

We tend to see Mother’s/Father’s Day as day to chill and not have to do chores etc

Yep. In his element

Is that not good then?

Surely it's a day for that person to do what makes them happy? Mine's off fishing. Alone. I'm glad! He spends lots of time with the dc and frankly, none, alone. So surely today should be how he will enjoy it.

Round here, all the men are out fishing. It's not a 'family' day for a lot (most?) people but perhaps you have a different tradition? What usually happens?

It’s Father’s Day so his day, if he wants to do that then that’s fine, as long as he does what you want on Mother’s Day. Don’t hold him to your standards and what you like, everyone is different.

Surely you should've booked the boat trip for him given it's Father's Day? Same way on Mother's Day I would expect dh to organise something for me.

I don’t quite understand the issue. It is just a normal day to me. But if he’s doing what he wants on “his” day, that’s fine. Surely most adults with young children like a bit of me time when they can get it.

2/3 DC have gone to grandparents (our bubble). DH thoroughly enjoying watching stuff with 14 year old that the others aren’t old enough for and peace and quiet.

I think he sounds like he's doing what he wants to do, why does it bother you?

I hate mothers and Father's Day, they are just another way of encouraging people to post fake shite on Facebook and forcing them to buy buy buy more.

It's just a normal day here. We don't even bother with cards. Haven't sent my dad a card either. Some families just don't 'do' fathers day, maybe your husband is from a family like that. We are lucky that both DH and me come from families that don't 'do' either mothers day or fathers day so it isn't an issue.

Fathers/mothers day was only a nice breakfast and card/present opening thing in our house. Not a whole day extravaganza.

If you want it to be, it's surely up to you or the kids to plan it and book whatever it is, so he's carried along on it. You seem to be waiting for him to decide what to do as a family.

It’s up to him if he wants a big deal or not. My dad has grumbled at me every year for nearly half a century for buying him cards and presents. because he thinks it’s commercial crap! (I still do because he’s been such a good dad!)

If he's not fussed, I wouldn't worry. Me and DH are notvreally fussed about mother's or father's day. A card is the norm for us, and maybe a little smth sometimes.

It won’t get a mention here, just not something we ‘do’. No one minds.
Bit odd you said it feels a bit ‘flat’. It’s a Hallmark holiday! If you embrace it, fine, but really I don’t know anyone who would make a deal of it.

DH is on the PlayStation, DS is in his room on his Xbox, I'm flitting between MN & my tablet. Italian dinner ordered, wine & family film later. Sheer bliss. We're all enjoying the day in our own way after working hard all week.

I’m not sure I understand the problem. Your DH seems perfectly happy with how his fathers’ day is going. Surely that’s the whole point.

My DH loves fathers’ day because he loves a load of attention and things focused on him. Your DH clearly has a different vision for how he wants his to go. In your shoes, I’d just be glad his ideas don’t require any effort from you! 😁

What is it that you expect him to do for you on father's day?

I didn't know you were supposed to go on outings on Mother's Day/Father's Day. Everyone I know treats it as a sleep in late, breakfast in bed, spend the day eating chocolate/treats, drinking and playing your type of music or watching your type of movies. Actually going out seems a bit overboard (pardon the pun) to me, and not what the day is meant to be about. It's about having a quiet relaxing day at home. Your husband is completely and absolutely normal. If he's not 'interested' in Father's day, then neither is any male I know, work with, live with, am related to, associated to, or have ever lived next door to. I don't understand where you got your expectations from, but they are not normal.

I assume the OP is worried about his lack of engagement with DCs. Personally I'd expect to book something for Father's Day, he'd book something for Mother's Day. Having said that, this year we've done presents, have a special brunch with cake for later,but we haven't gone out.

@choli

What is it that you expect him to do for you on father's day?

Lol. He's spent the day doing loads of chores for me and the family. What a twatish thing to say! But yes it's the lack of engagement with the kids and their evident dispointment that is the issue. He suggested doing something fun with them yesterday. Got their hopes up and then cba. He hates having things organised for him so I learnt a long time ago not to. But it looks like our family is not alone. Thanks to everyone who answered.

You should never mention the possibility of something unless its definite, makes life a lot easier.

What is ityou think he should do ? All days like this are an advertisers dream, they tell us tht we should all be together as one big happy smiley family, chatting and have fun in the sunshine. Life is not like that for most people.