DP and Fathers Day

[TheFoz]

I will preface this by saying that DP and I in general have a fantastic relationship.

We both have children from previous relationships. He has his children on a 50:50 basis, currently he stays in the family home during the time he has them. While he doesn’t have them he is with me and my children.

Generally for Father’s Day, his birthday and Christmas I will take his kids to get him a present. They are too young to do this themselves, sometimes he will take one of mine to do the same or sometimes she will have her older sibling help her. Two weeks ago he said to me that his children were wondering about how they would get him a present considering the lockdown situation. I replied saying that he got nothing for me for Mother’s Day so I wouldn’t be doing anything for him for Father’s Day. (He was with me on the day and didn’t say happy Mother’s Day). His response was something along the lines of my kids were capable of getting me something themselves (the youngest is not). I reminded him that I got nothing.
Anyway of course I felt guilty about it so I arranged with his kids that I would get something (it is also his birthday this week) and give it to them when we would be meeting for a socially distanced meet up. I did this last weekend.

I talked to DP this morning and he said they had given him the cards and gifts. But not a word of thanks to me for doing it. Given the fact that he did nothing for me for Mother’s Day and didn’t even acknowledge it but expects me to sort Father’s Day for him has me really annoyed.

AIBU? I had felt I wasn’t but now that I’ve written this down I’m doubting myself!

Surely his children's mum should be doing this while their children are too young to do it, why is he putting it on you?

I honestly wouldn't bother again, just agree that it's not your role to organise gifts from his children and it's not his role to do it for yours.

Sorry but I wouldnt have bothered with fathers day. Your not responsible for sorting out gifts from his kids, just as he sees its not his responsibility to assist your kids in getting you something for mothers day. Not sure why you are feeling guilty?

Well it sounds like novelty has worn off and the resentment has set in.

I agree, if the kids are too young, surely this isn't down to you?
Why aren't his kids asking their mother?
And he's staying in the family home
Is that cos of covid 19?

It sounds like you have a much wider problem than M and F days. Is he generally thoughtless and do you generally play tit for tat to get even? It sounds like the foundation for a miserable relationship on both sides, to be honest. You both need to talk about whether the relationship is working anymore and if you actually want to stay together, commit to communicating and making changes.

If you genuinely had a “fantastic relationship” then I can’t see one lone act of thoughtlessness/lack of care - him forgetting to help your DC with Mother’s Day - promoting you to purposely not bother to help his DC out of spite.

He's not the one.

It’s not a fantastic relationship at all though

How sad that you’re actually doubting yourself posting this.

He’s selfish.

How old are all these children? My 7yo would make a card himself, my 5yo not so much.

Oh and given that his children actually ASKED him what to do, why didn’t he tell them then that he’s love a home made card, and that’s enough?

This sounds incredibly petty on both sides. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are supposed to shoe the ones we love how much we appreciate them not to score silly points and one upmanship. You both sound as bad as each other.