I'm no longer in the relationship however share a dc with my ex whom he now has contact with. Throughout our relationship he was sexually abusive.. touching and grabbing me in my sleep, when awake, pressuring me into sex even when I said no however the reason I left was actually due to the way he treated dc. I reported it to the police but I know how the justice system works, I know how hard it would to be to get him formally charged let alone prosecuted so asked that he not be arrested as he was already dragging me through court.
I didn't ever expect anyone to believe me, I was sexually abused as a child and while my childhood abuser was caught and found guilty I always felt that no one will believe me, perhaps because it was what I was told. But raised it in court and now it has been used against me. Exp has said he will go for residency unless I remove it from my allegations. I have, I cannot risk leaving her in a dangerous situation for longer and eventually he would have had unsupervised contact.
I feel violated that court made it possible for exp to further control me, the fact that he'll still be in dds life so a reminder for me. So here I am, Im already in contact with women's aid and on a list for trauma services but where do I even go from here? I know I need to rebuild but all of this has just brought back those feelings of not being believed, that it was my fault and that I allowed it to happen.