Jealous of ex’s new life

[Savoretti]

I know this is going to paint me in a bad light and I do feel annoyed with myself about it but need some advice on how to work through jealous feelings....
Ex and I broke up about 4 years ago. His business was failing, he was drinking a lot and he was abusive to me in many ways. He ran up lots of debt in both our names and I made him leave when we had bailiffs round once too often.
I don’t miss him and I don’t miss the relationship we had.

However - he has now got a sensible well paying job so his stresses have gone and he is a calmer nicer person. He has a new partner who is very wealthy and she has a big family who have welcomed him in. And I am jealous. I’m not proud to admit that and I really want to leave it and not be.
I’m jealous he can just walk away from the joint debts as he knows I will not fall behind in payments, and now he has his rich new life. Can’t wait to introduce the DC and how her older children are so excited to meet them.
I suppose I feel inadequate. I know deep down the DC won’t love me any less but my life is going to be forever a struggle because of the money he sponged off me (and I let him) whereas his is calm and easy and fun.
How do I work through that?

If you sit by the river long enough, you get to see the bodies of your enemies float by.

He is who he is and that won't have changed. He's just got a lot more money now to work his way through. She will end up in the same situation as you - but it will take longer, that's all.

I don’t think there is much you can do legally unless you go bankrupt.

If my level of debts meant that I would struggle access credit and mortgage in the future anyway, I would consider bankruptcy.

Also curious if you have asked him to pay the debt?

Since he has a well paying job now, I'd probably take him to court and sue him for the debt. If he doesn't pay then they can attach his wages.

@RantyAnty
If it’s a joint debt, OP hasn’t got a leg to stand on, she agrees to be fully liable of that debt. There wouldn’t be a legal basis for the court to order to pay all or part of the debt.

The debt company will only go after him (and OP) if no one pays. If they are aware he earns more, bailiffs/debt company are more likely to go after him.

Gosh yes I’ve asked him to pay the debts!!
He always says he will set up a direct debit but never does. I’m taking it into my hands now though and am going to give them his address and say I can’t pay any more. Then I hope they will go after him before me..

I’m taking it into my hands now though and am going to give them his address and say I can’t pay any more. Then I hope they will go after him before me..

Good.

If you've got messages or anything saying he would set up direct debit for it or that he would pay, you've got enough to sue him over it.

I've done this in the past and it's amazing how they manage to come up with the money before the court date.

Hang on. I thought he was paying half and you were paying half. But he’s not paying anything?
Wow. He’s more of a fucktard than I thought.

Get legal advice NOW. CAB? solicitor. I would imagine this is a very common occurrence. Did you actually jointly take the loan? Or did he do it without your knowledge?

Don’t feel jealously. Feel fucking ANGER.