Quick backstory- married for over 10 years, i truly thought happily. 2 dcs. ExH admitted to an 18 month affair and left on the same day. Horrors ensued.
Fast forward 2 years and I’ve bought a house and got an awesome job; bit of a nightmare juggling childcare but we’re co-parenting like pros.
I did some casual OLD a year ago (mostly to prove that all men are knobs - I know, not healthy in hindsight). Inadvertently met someone I genuinely love. But I’m terrified. All the time. I love being with him, get on well with the family members I’ve met, he gets on with my dc (who are beyond wonderful).
All good on the face of it. But I’m so scared of relaxing into this and being hurt again.
I’ve been really clear that I need my own home with my kids and am financially independent. I work hard and enjoy it. I genuinely love being with him, but it makes me so sad when I/he leaves. I’m lonely and although I am very independent, I feel so lonely when my kids are with their dad and I’m alone. I also don’t want to invite him into our lives on a permanent basis For a long time if ever. I’m so conflicted!
I don’t really know what I’m asking - mostly for someone to tell me they get it!