Husband’s comment has really hurt me

[TheletterZ]

Just for a rant and to let it out.

So for background, our 15 year old daughter has been having a really tough time with her mental health, I’ve got a few posts on this, and bipolar seems the post probably diagnosis.

It has been an increasingly difficult few months, I am still working as a teacher at an independent schools so live teaching my timetable. I underestimated how hard and time consuming this is and have bee overstretched.

One thing keeping me going is I felt like myself and my husband were a team. As I have got myself exhausted we agreed I would have a day off - stay in PJs, have a bath, read a book etc - a good chance to recharge.

We had an appointment with my daughter’s psychiatrist and he recommended buying an exercise bike. Husband suggested we get a chart to track progress, him running daughter on the bike and for when I get off my bum.

I know he meant it as a joke but it just feels so personal and hurtful. I know it is eye rolling worthy but I am sitting upstairs crying. And in answer to the question - yes this is out of character, he is a very kind man normally, so I know this comment was not meant and was just a moment so being a temporary jerk but it still is upsetting me.

He sounds resentful

Is the comment about when you get off your bum?

Understandably I think the situation has made you super sensitive as in normally this wouldn't even register with me.

Ah, OP, poor you - you sound totally knackered and stressed. It was an unkind and thoughtless comment - if he’s normally kind and thoughtful point out to him how upset you are and that you’re fraying at the edges. In the kindest possibly way, you probably felt so hurt partly because you’re on your last legs. Have a good cry and relax and rest.

@Cyllie33

Ah, OP, poor you - you sound totally knackered and stressed. It was an unkind and thoughtless comment - if he’s normally kind and thoughtful point out to him how upset you are and that you’re fraying at the edges. In the kindest possibly way, you probably felt so hurt partly because you’re on your last legs. Have a good cry and relax and rest.

This ^^

You have been so strong and sometimes it’s the smallest thing that tips us over the edge

It's a sign of how tired and in need of a rest you are. It's a bit of a clumsy comment, but it's bothering you because you're shattered. Have a cuppa and a long sleep, and maybe take tomorrow off as well.

Thank you, though your nice comments have set me off again.

Husband is making me a cuppa right now, he knows he has upset me. And you are all right, I am taking is worse because I am just soo bloody tired.

Z, can you take time off work on health grounds? Seriously, you are very run down. If you push yourself to high stress levels too long, it's really damaging and can be hard to recover from. Your DD's health is not going to resolve quickly, and you need to manage your reserves so you can last in the long run! It's a marathon not a sprint.

I was really stoic and kept going in the face of extreme stress for years. I now have fibromyalgia, am tired and achey all the time and have no stamina. Stress makes me ill and causes pain.

Please look after yourself, your DD needs you.

There is only 1 week and 2 days to go. All prepped for now as well, so should be a lot easier this week. I’ve spoken to the school and discussing making life a bit easier once term starts again.

You sound under enormous stress and it was a straw and camel's back comment that another time you probably wouldn't have reacted to. Glad that he knows he's upset you, albeit inadvertently. Bless you. Sending hugs.