Like any “normal” relationship there are good days then there are bad days too! But I just feel like our bad days are normally caused by something he is doing which either I find absolutely ridiculous or we have completely different views on... for instance the other day he had a bad dream that I cheated on him and then he was angry with me over it when he woke up! To me that’s so pathetic and I just felt like I couldn’t entertain this! While it’s not nice having a dream like that you should recognise straight away it’s not reality and there is no need to continue to have this dominate your mood and try to use this to make your partner feel bad for something they have not done!
Then there are things like he is really really needy! He needs to be told that I love him so much and when I tell him I get told “no you don’t!” Or if we are in the middle of an argument he will always say to me “you don’t love me” I feel exhausted with how hard work he is to be with sometimes! It feels like he needs more attention then my children do! And in all honesty I sit there imagining what my life would be like if I was single and i wouldn’t feel this unhappy or this on edge all the time!
Today’s arguement started all because I didn’t bring him up breakfast & a cup of tea in bed... for a while I’ve always done it simply coz I would like him to wake up and be present in the household he sleeps in till stupid o’clock in the afternoon and I honestly believe if I didn’t wake him up he would sleep the entire day away and will wake up come the evening... coz he’s up all night watching films and tv... but the last few weeks I have asked him to take more care of himself like me having to do lunch for the kids and then be making sure I take him up breakfast & tea and the get back to the kids and carrying on with the home schooling or getting them washed and dressed for our daily walk is enough pressure for me! So I have said it multiple times over the last few days and he has not done it so today I decided I wasn’t going to do it! And he’s now acting like I have another agenda and that there’s something wrong with me because I haven’t done this for him... and of course whenever he’s pissed off he creates this massive tension and is passive aggressive or purposely gives the cold shoulder... and normally I just give in to stop the tension but I don’t see why I should be always making sure he’s happy! He’s a grown man!!! But he puts it on me to make sure he’s happy all the time! I do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children and he can barely get up in the mornings!
I just feel exhausted... n am finding myself taking a long hard look at my life and questioning if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life...
I don’t know if it sounds like I’m being really childish but I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel immensely guilty for feeling like this feel guilty on my children.. his parents are elderly and rely on me a lot so I personally do a lot for them especially his mum more then anyone else so I’d feel so guilty about upsetting them aswell.. but I don’t know how much more I can take!