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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling so all over the place with my marriage right now do not know what to do!

15 replies

Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 14:14

Like any “normal” relationship there are good days then there are bad days too! But I just feel like our bad days are normally caused by something he is doing which either I find absolutely ridiculous or we have completely different views on... for instance the other day he had a bad dream that I cheated on him and then he was angry with me over it when he woke up! To me that’s so pathetic and I just felt like I couldn’t entertain this! While it’s not nice having a dream like that you should recognise straight away it’s not reality and there is no need to continue to have this dominate your mood and try to use this to make your partner feel bad for something they have not done!

Then there are things like he is really really needy! He needs to be told that I love him so much and when I tell him I get told “no you don’t!” Or if we are in the middle of an argument he will always say to me “you don’t love me” I feel exhausted with how hard work he is to be with sometimes! It feels like he needs more attention then my children do! And in all honesty I sit there imagining what my life would be like if I was single and i wouldn’t feel this unhappy or this on edge all the time!

Today’s arguement started all because I didn’t bring him up breakfast & a cup of tea in bed... for a while I’ve always done it simply coz I would like him to wake up and be present in the household he sleeps in till stupid o’clock in the afternoon and I honestly believe if I didn’t wake him up he would sleep the entire day away and will wake up come the evening... coz he’s up all night watching films and tv... but the last few weeks I have asked him to take more care of himself like me having to do lunch for the kids and then be making sure I take him up breakfast & tea and the get back to the kids and carrying on with the home schooling or getting them washed and dressed for our daily walk is enough pressure for me! So I have said it multiple times over the last few days and he has not done it so today I decided I wasn’t going to do it! And he’s now acting like I have another agenda and that there’s something wrong with me because I haven’t done this for him... and of course whenever he’s pissed off he creates this massive tension and is passive aggressive or purposely gives the cold shoulder... and normally I just give in to stop the tension but I don’t see why I should be always making sure he’s happy! He’s a grown man!!! But he puts it on me to make sure he’s happy all the time! I do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children and he can barely get up in the mornings!

I just feel exhausted... n am finding myself taking a long hard look at my life and questioning if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life...

I don’t know if it sounds like I’m being really childish but I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel immensely guilty for feeling like this feel guilty on my children.. his parents are elderly and rely on me a lot so I personally do a lot for them especially his mum more then anyone else so I’d feel so guilty about upsetting them aswell.. but I don’t know how much more I can take!

OP posts:
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 20/06/2020 14:19

Bloody hell, why are you running round after him? He's a grown man who as far as I can see is doing nothing to contribute to the household. I wouldn't stand for it.

Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 14:24

I have no idea why I am! I’ve always done it just out habit and just getting on with things! And to avoid a massive arguement! It’s like he needs to be molly coddled all the time!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 20/06/2020 14:31

You need to tell him you want a divorce because you are sick of his lazy twattish behaviour. Let him suck on that.
If he was my husband I'd be taking a bucket of cold water up to him if he was still in bed after 10am.
Sounds to me like he isn't worth a light.

Krazynights34 · 20/06/2020 14:34

Does he work OP?

SHAR0N · 20/06/2020 14:37

I just feel exhausted... n am finding myself taking a long hard look at my life and questioning if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life

That’s a good plan. I don’t really see the point of your Dp TBH, he just creates more work. I’d divorce him and then you will get EOW off. And he can care for his own parents.

Your kids will probably get more attention from him too as he will have to care for them when they are at his place.

billy1966 · 20/06/2020 14:38

Another unbelievable post.

How can you bear to be around such a twat.

Your life sounds absolutely awful.

And you're running around after this lazy twats parents.

OP, you are too soft and a complete mug.

God help you.

Why would you want a life like this?

Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 14:42

Yes he does work but is furloughed at the moment.

OP posts:
Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 14:43

@SHAR0N sorry I’m new to this I don’t know what “dp” or “EOW” means ?

OP posts:
Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 14:45

@billy1966 I haven’t chosen this life for myself I have been with him for a very long time and it’s happened over a number of years it’s extremely hard to leave a relationship when it’s all ive known since I was 17 I’m now 30...

OP posts:
billy1966 · 20/06/2020 15:03

OP, poorly phrased my apologies, of course you don't.

I meant in terms of how hard it is.
So sorry that you are enduring this.

At 30, you are so young.

Do not resign yourself to this.
You can plan to live a different life.

It sounds like you are harassed and living with emotional abuse.

Make a plan, reach out for support.

Really wishing you wellFlowers

tobedtoMNandfart · 20/06/2020 15:10

DP = Dear Partner
EOW = child custody every other weekend

tobedtoMNandfart · 20/06/2020 15:13

Assuming they are his kids this is unacceptable. He is furloughed, watching shit all night, sleeping all day, having vivid dreams, waking up in a foul mood, demanding your attention, starting arguments and being needy.

Back in the real world in a healthy relationship both parents share equally the burden of work, childcare, food preparation, house cleaning, laundry, home schooling, outings etc etc etc

When did he last ask after your well-being?!

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2020 15:15

Your husband is a misery. I don't know how you put up with all of his ridiculous nonsense. You say this is all you know, but it doesn't have to stay that way. This is what you want for the next 30 years? I'd sooner jump off a cliff. Set yourself free from this nightmare.

Elle3310 · 20/06/2020 15:27

I appreciate all your comments.. it makes me feel like I’m not going insane and that it isn’t right.. when I express how I feel he makes me feel like I’m stupid or that I’m the one in the wrong! I don’t want this for the rest of my life.. I really do not that’s why I came looking for advice and just reassurance that it’s not ok!

OP posts:
fuckoffImcounting · 20/06/2020 17:08

Mate, he sounds bloody horrible. Lazy, abusive freeloader, tell him to shape up or fuck right off.

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