I'm 44, 3 sons, separated from their dad for 4 years after 20 together. He lives with new partner in the old family home, dc live with me not too far away. I have a dp too, 2.5 years, but we don't live together. He has two children who live with him, similar ages to mine. Not got round to divorcing for a variety of reasons but this is imminent.
I'm at a point where I've realised that I have just been faffing about in my new relationship. Lockdown has made me reevaluate what I want from life and I think I'm ready to take the next step with DP. I know he would love us to live together but I have been firm about this being a no so far because I have been worried about the upheaval for all of our children if it didnt work out.
There are so many factors to consider, Not least the fact that I am cross with myself for letting exh's opinion influence my actions. He despises dp as he believes him to be a bad role model for our sons. However he has never met him and whilst I understand it is difficult to accept that another man may become important in their lives, and dp of course has his faults, this is unfair. I think his view comes from the fact that my lovely, decent, hardworking and tender hearted dp has a much more relaxed attitude to parenting than he has.
Mine and dps approaches to being parents aren't incompatible, but would of course need some tweaking on both sides to make things work if we all lived together.
Exh was emotionally and financially abusive and if I'm honest with myself I am still struggling to not care about what he thinks.
There are so many issues to consider running around in my head that I can't work out what I want.
I dont want to drip feed but there is so much more about this whole situation it would be an even more mammoth post!
Has anyone got experience of counselling for decisions like this? I think I need someone to help me work out what is important as I am just going round and round in my head with it all and I want to move forward somehow.