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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

flat being wrecked

14 replies

lovelytimewithpaypal · 20/06/2020 09:11

A male friend has been in a difficult relationship with a woman for a few years which has been increasingly distressing, it started as friends, the fwb, then she fell in love and then it became very messy for a bit where she will hurl abuse and make accusations and he will try to get away and she will then plead with him saying she needs him and crying and so on. Things have got worse and worse and finally about a week ago he blocked her, she'd made threats, he felt bullied, he dealt by saying he was no longer interested and ignoring. She knew he would be in his second home last night and went there during the day, she broke in and wrecked the place, smashing everything up. He is devastated, lost a lot of things which are irreplaceable. He can't think straight. He has asked me for help and i have no idea. What can he do now? Is she going to just get worse and worse? She sounds incredibly unstable. She believes she is he wronged party. He isn't sure that the police are going to be any help whatsoever and I think he is too worn down to go for harassment.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/06/2020 09:44

I wiykd definitely involve the police. (If your friend were a woman and it was a man who trashed her place, you wouldnt think twice would you.)

She's becoming (become?) a stalker. I would strongly encourage him to contact one of the helplines for advice and support:
www.gov.uk/report-stalker

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 20/06/2020 09:48

She broke in and trashed the place?
The police would be very intersted in that. Definitely encourage him to involve the police.

LuluBellaBlue · 20/06/2020 09:49

He may be a man, but it sounds like he’s broken down and has been a victim of abuse.
I would really try and push him to speak to the police ASAP, even if he refuses take photos as evidence and ask him to write accounts and keep a diary. Also you should do the same in case you ever were called as a witness.
He may not feel strong enough right now for a court case but may one day wish to pursue this including compensation for what’s happened as well as of course justice and ensuring this behaviour doesn’t escalate!

Gazelda · 20/06/2020 10:00

She won't stop until something/someone makes her stop. This is the time to call the police. He is being harassed and is a victim of crime.

AwwDontGo · 20/06/2020 10:05

Would insurance cover it? I doubt it but might be worth checking.
I'd involve the police. They would give advice.

category12 · 20/06/2020 10:08

He needs to report what happened to the police.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 20/06/2020 10:15

He should call the police, she is out of control and he is being abused.

LadyFeliciaMontague · 20/06/2020 10:16

Police for sure. It’s great he has left but is sounds like he was the victim of domestic abuse so needs to tell the police, not just about the flat, but her behaviour during the relationship too.

mensadviceline.org.uk

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/06/2020 10:22

Police for a restraining order ASAP and I would also consider pressing charges for criminal damage.

What's he going to do keep taking her back indefinitely to appease her?? He needs to grow a spine and fast.

You may also need tell him to be led with his brain not his cock in the choice of company he keeps.

RantyAnty · 20/06/2020 10:27

He should call the police of course.
Why hasn't he?

dontjustdont · 20/06/2020 10:29

He isn't sure that the police are going to be any help whatsoever and I think he is too worn down to go for harassment.

Tell him to just leave it then Confused

I hate these posts.

"Something really awful (and illegal) has happened but I/they don't want to use any of the established and accepted remedies to address it"

icansmellburningleaves · 20/06/2020 10:40

He needs to report to the police. She will be arrested.

lovelytimewithpaypal · 20/06/2020 11:36

Thank you for all the comments and the links.

OP posts:
category12 · 20/06/2020 11:39

If he is claiming on insurance, he'll need to report it for a crime number.

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