I feel like I'm the only friend who pulls their weight

[raincheckrosemary]

I have friends but I feel like I'm the only person who actually listens, advises, reassures and gives opinions (when asked obviously). I'd drop anything if a pal needed me.

I feel like anytime I have an issue, my friends are nowhere to be seen and don't reciprocate literally any of what I do for them. I feel like they're very self involved but never say anything.

I genuinely don't have one friend I know I could phone right now if I needed them that would drop everything for me. How the hell do I stop this?

It might be that the way you act reinforces the role/status you don’t want in the relationships. Google the Karpman Drama Triangle, see if the rescuer traits fit. You can reframe this into The Empowerment Dynamic when you would adopt a more coaching role in the relationship.

Great advice here.

I think knowing where we stand with others helps. This way we lower our expectations and do not fool ourselves into believing they are more of a friend than they are.

I have a handful of friends. No-one I could call at 2am. It used to concern me but I had to get over this. By nature I give more than I take but I have worked to create a balance to avoid me feeling used or emotionally drained.

like for example if something bad happens I'm really not sure I have someone I know could talk to me for ten or even pick up the phone!

Oh that's really not good at all then. I would ditch those 'friends,' you'll feel better for it.

@category12 I did try that - I said try messaging me - and then we can arrange a time to chat. She said she felt upset that she couldn’t just call me when she needed to . But phone calls tended to be around bath/bedtime - and would last about 40mins. I’d regularly need to ask DP to take over childcare while I spoke to her.

You shouldn't be running after them all the time. If it's not 50/50, pull back for a while. Don't pursue them.