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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lonely marriage

2 replies

sunnydayz78 · 18/06/2020 23:23

I'd really like some advice as I can't talk to anyone in RL. Been with DH 9 years married 7 and have 2 young children. Basically I'm just so lonely and have been on and off since the birth of my first child 6 years ago.
DH is SE and works a lot. It takes over our life and time together and when I try to address this I'm told he's doing it for us, we don't know what's round the corner etc. and sometimes ends up in an argument with him even saying I have an easy life at home with the kids.
I think he had 2 weeks at home at the start of lockdown and then was able to work again (luckily I guess) on an empty property. So for the last 10 weeks it's just been me and the kids 24/7 and I'm really struggling mentally with this.
I'm a SAHM and since my first was born I've done every night waking/early morning start and just had to deal with it (as that's my job). I never get a day off.
I did have a job lined up to start in March but this was cancelled due to covid. I was excited about starting the job as it would have taken the pressure off DH to work so much as we'd have an extra income.
When DH does have a day off he's far from hands on with the kids. Don't get me wrong he's very good with them but it feels like all decisions/ responsibilities are left to me as I'm the house wife/ mother. Also, on days off work creeps in his mind is on a part of a job, texts and phone calls are received and I feel like he may as well be in work anyway.
I realise lockdown has probably intensified things but I just can't see things changing. Ever.
I'm thinking about talking to my parents about it but don't really want to involve them or worry them. I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, maybe just a handhold as I'm feeling so down and alone.

OP posts:
StillThatBitch · 18/06/2020 23:46

No advice sorry, but I feel similar. My H had 2-3 weeks off then was able to go back to work. So I've been alone with our 2 kids since Easter. He's SE too so it takes over our life. It supports our family though as my small business makes nothing at the mo, so I can't say too much. We've talked about him finding a balance, but it's in one ear and out of the other. When he's not working he wants to unwind messing with games on his phone or PlayStation so we don't really have any time together. It's shitty but I'm hoping as lockdown eases and my kids return to school, my life will feel more interesting and I can see what my options are. Sorry you're feeling so lonely.

sunnydayz78 · 19/06/2020 18:59

Thanks for replying. It's funny I've actually had a really good day now I've got that off my chest! H is currently putting kids in Pjs ready for bed and realising what little shits they can be 🤣.
You're right in what you say he does provide for us so I just need to hang in there, make more of an effort and get through lockdown! X

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