Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused by strange heartache

4 replies

IamnotlikeDolores · 18/06/2020 23:12

I have name changed for this one as I have shared quite a few things on previous threads and don't want to say anything too identifying when pieced together.

My issue is this: my marriage of 20 years collapsed during lockdown. I tried, really tried to save this marriage over the years but he is sadly too abusive- mostly emotionally but there could be a physical element if he'd had too much to drink. It took me a long time to accept. I'm as smart as anyone. I'm otherwise confident - and decent looking. I know my worth, at least on an intellectual level. I could also always see the red flags. However, something always held me back from leaving. It's been long overdue. Now I am doing it I am strangely numb. Literally he inspires nothing in me. No love. No hate. No sadness even. Like the last 20 years never happened.

Now, this is where things get messed up: my first and very toxic love got in touch recently. He really scarred me. It took me ages to get over- in fact I don't think I ever did. All I can think about right now is that old wound. But I know I should be dealing with the present. I just can't though. This has gone on for two months. I need to get over whatever this is but don't know how. (And yes , I want and need therapy!)

OP posts:
Bigfingers · 18/06/2020 23:19

Hi OP, and 💐

I felt similarly to you after the end of my 20 year marriage last year, though it probably wasn’t as problematic by the sound of it. I didn’t feel upset. I was more upset by a brief fling I had shortly after.

It hit me much later, what’s gone. You know you need to run a mile from your first love if it was toxic. It’s not what you need now, AT ALL.

After 20 years in a relationship, the loneliness of doing it all yourself ya intense, your first line contacting you is awful timing. Try to spend time on a level, without anyone 💐💐💐

Bigfingers · 18/06/2020 23:27

Oh I should say as well that even though it hit me later, I still think it was the right thing to do.

IamnotlikeDolores · 18/06/2020 23:31

Thank you!
Yes I know it is completely the right thing

OP posts:
IamnotlikeDolores · 18/06/2020 23:32

I'm just concerned about what my mind is doing right now.
I also think somehow that first heartbreak accounts for some of my insecurities. Him contacting me brought it all back up to the surface

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page