Should I be with a man who is still married. And has no intention of ever marrying again

[Whatam1doing27]

Been together for 8yrs, he has not attempted divorce proceedings and says he will never marry again. Am I wasting my time?

Agree with everyone else. If you want to buy a house together, having children etc the. Youre wasting your time

Marriage isn't "just a piece of paper" tho - if he's still married, his wife may have rights and claims should he die, etc.

I'd treat the two things as separate issues. I'd want him divorced even if there's no intention to marry again.

OP why would you put yourself through something so messy? You knowingly got involved with a married man and have so far spent 8 years with him wasting your time. What is it in his behaviour so far that you are unwilling to acknowledge? His inaction speaks clearly surely. Please respect yourself more.

A friend of mine married a woman in one country, they split up and many years later he met another woman in a second country. They had children, were very happy. He had no contact with his wife and divorcing would have been complicated due to the different countries. Then after many more years, his partner developed cancer. He tracked his wife down urgently and got a divorce quickly, then married his partner shortly before she passed away.

So a) not divorcing does not necessarily mean that he isn't committed, but b) divorcing now makes it much less complicated/rushed if anything happens.

A lot does depend on your situation and what your future plans are together. I still live in the family home with our kids and exh helps to enable that financially. This means I can't/won't move another man in, which is fine with me as I like living with just me and my kids and my bf is happy in his own property. We are both 40+ and feel we have done the marriage/kids/mortgage with someone stages of our life and are very happy being together but having our own autonomy, hence me still being legally married isn't an issue.

It sounds as though you want different things to me though so it may be more of a problem for you. I guess if it bothers you, it's a problem.

The problem with him being married to someone else is that she is his next of kin, not you. As such, she will be the one to be contacted to make life or death decisions relating to him, should he be deathly ill or injured. She also stands to inherit his estate if/when he predeceases her. ATM you have no say in his hospital treatment and if you live together in his house you could lose your home if anything happens to him. At the very least, he should divorce and if you are in precarious financial position you need to try and remedy that. Don't wait for a crisis to happen, because it will be too late to do anything then.

Zafferana- You can nominate anyone as your next of kin when it comes to things such as medical stuff. The default person is only used if you haven't mentioned anyone else. www.patients-association.org.uk/next-of-kin

I think you're right about the financial stuff unless he makes a will saying otherwise though, in which case it will most likely be followed legally even if his ex wife contests it, as they clearly aren't close now (or the OP hasn't said they are) in terms of living together or anything.

If he’s still married she’s entitled to half of everything of his, as is he.
If you own a house with him I hope you have had fantastic legal advice and that you’ve taken it.

Yes, you are wasting your time. If you were happy in this situation, you would not be asking the question.

So now the question is, how much more time are you going to waste being unhappy?

Sorry, but 8 years in you have lost your leverage.

Does he know if he died his wife would get his money?

It depends on your financial circumstances

If you are financially independent
Own your own property
Don't own anything jointly
It doesn't really matter if he passed & his assets go to his ex

You need to weigh up the long term pros & cons of the relationship