Would this be mad?

[WhatToDo1234321]

I had a 4 year relationship with a man that ended about a year ago. He had circumstances (work) that made it difficult to commit to a proper relationship. For example, it wasn't really possible for us to move in together due to his work and my schedule with the children, I didn't feel like it was suitable for him to move in with us. He also would often prioritise his hobbies and friends over time with me. This may be because he didn't see it as ever being able to be more.

I broke up with him because it was affecting my mental health. I went on to date a couple of other people since then but they didn't work out (nice people but lacking something and I've thought that there was possibly some trauma bonding that I hadn't recovered from). Ex was incredibly nasty about me dating again.

I'm now in a different situation, where I don't believe it will be possible for me to have any sort of relationship for some years. Ex is still interested. Would it be madness to consider it?

Yes, total madness.

He also would often prioritise his hobbies and friends over time with me. Has this changed or are you willing to settle?

So he prioritises others over you.... He is nasty when you try to move on to another relationship and your mental health was suffering when you were with this man?

The trauma bonding , was this exacerbated with this relationship with this man?

If he was just a decent guy it didn't work out with and/or even if you considered this man to be a good friend then I would say maybe , but are either of those things true?

@Justmuddlingalong

He also would often prioritise his hobbies and friends over time with me. Has this changed or are you willing to settle?

I don't think this has changed at all.

What has changed is that previously I wanted a relationship (with the normal progression you'd want in a relationship) and now that's no longer an option for me. So I guess it would be more FWB

@WaitingForTheTurn79

If he was just a decent guy it didn't work out with and/or even if you considered this man to be a good friend then I would say maybe , but are either of those things true?

He was a good friend, but he likes attention and drama and has to be the centre of attention in public. He exaggerates stories to make them more dramatic. I sometimes think that he would prioritise others because they still make a big fuss about the drama, where I kind of got used to it being a bit more bullshit and ignoring it or calling it out.

But if it's a fwb relationship you want, why him in particular? Is your mental health strong enough now, given that it suffered before?

What has changed is that previously I wanted a relationship (with the normal progression you'd want in a relationship) and now that's no longer an option for me. So I guess it would be more FWB

I think you would start wanting more and be hurt when he acts in such a way as to hurt you, which he will. Even if you don't start wanting more than a FWB, he'll still mess you up. It's allowing someone like that to use you. He doesn't deserve you, not even a shag.

he likes attention and drama and has to be the centre of attention in public. He exaggerates stories to make them more dramatic. I sometimes think that he would prioritise others because they still make a big fuss about the drama, where I kind of got used to it being a bit more bullshit and ignoring it or calling it out.

You know what he is. He is a narcissist/has narcissistic traits. He will enjoy manipulating you and fucking with your head, hurting you.

You think you are aware of his lies but you don't know how much of what he's telling you is lies and you're not aware of it. Also, he gets other things from you, other supply, knowing he was hurting you by leaving you hanging and neglecting you. He was still getting an emotional response from you like he does from the others, just a different one.

He will hurt you again.

Block him on everything, I mean actually block him, so he can't contact you and you aren't tempted.

Fuck no. If you want a FWB find one you have no history with. There's no shortage of men wanting this kind of set up.