Racial abuse, court case, how do I get them to take me seriously?

[namechangeindiana]

I've been in family court with my ex for over a year now. There was a fact finding hearing and he was found to have committed numerous acts of abuse towards me. Coercive control, emotional abuse, harassment and racial abuse. The former I can deal with and recover from, but the thing that affected me the most is the racial abuse. He would say racist things in front of me, laugh about racist jokes with his father, and worst of all, refused to accept his son is mixed race and wouldn't refer to him as anything other than white. I am half black and half white. Our son is quarter black, and this is obvious when looking at him (even if it wasn't, he would still be mixed race).

The courts have only given him indirect access for a year now. One photo a month. They always focus on coercive control and emotional abuse, but I want them to really consider the racial abuse more closely and strongly.

Can a court really give a racist man access to his mixed race son? The last judge was leaning towards him having unsupervised access.

CAFCASS have ruled that he should only have indirect access and are firm with this but the judge seemed to think that all children should have access to both parents.

Son is only 19 months old.

What are the chances that the judge may have opened their eyes to the effects and extent of racism towards black people recently? And maybe understand how devastating it could be for a mixed race child to be around a racist parent?

I'm terrified he's going to get access and destroy our son.

Well done on indirect contact. That is so rare and shows that they really believed you. It really is marvellous - well done to you.

I would advise you keep the lines of communication open with your monstrous ex - ostensibly about your son. This will give him a chance to emotionally and racially abuse you (and possible say things about your son) and then keep that for the next court case in a year. Remain calm at all times. Let him showcase himself.

I would send photos him monthly photos in which your son looks very much more like you. This might trigger more "realistic" responses from him and his family, horrible for you, but will be useful to demonstrate his true self to the court in relation to feelings about his son's own heritage.

How awful for you and your son, but you're doing so well. One foot in front of the other. You can do this.

The very best of good luck. 💐💐💐

Will a racist man actually want ongoing access to his mixed-race son?

Is it a good thing I didn't see what @tropafp8 posted?

Thanks @PicsInRed - his mum is lovely and we still talk. I see his ex too so the kids can get together. His grandparents write to me. They are all pretty disgusted by him.

Photos are sent to him monthly by a third party. I don't even choose the photos I just let her decide for me. I can't keep communication open as there's a restraining order in place.

Just praying he doesn't get unsupervised

@funnylittlefloozie yes but not because he loves him. It is a control thing.