DP, MIL and the football

[NotTheBloodyFootball]

My DP and MIL are really into watching the football when their team is playing. Prior to lockdown, DP would generally tie-in joining his DM at her house to watch any matches, which was fine with me as it gave me a chance to do other things (like spend time with my DM).

For the last couple of weeks, if we have seen MIL (always socially distanced), she will bring up the football and that I need to let DP watch it with her as it is good for us to have time apart and that football means so much to him, so on and so forth. DP and I get on amazingly well, and he knows that I am happy for him to watch the football (usually). So it is somewhat frustrating that MIL feels the need to 'come at me', if you will, with this barrage of reasons why DP needs to watch the game with her. I never stop them, I just don't generally join them as it isn't really my thing.

However, she wants him to go to hers this Saturday to watch the game. DP clearly wants to go, but has asked me for my opinion. My truthful response was that I wasn't overly happy for it, as we are both pretty sure she isn't bothering to social distance and seems to be popping round to each of her friends' houses for coffee. This is an issue for me because my family have a lot of health issues, but also my DP is an Asian male over 40, so in quite an 'at risk' category himself. I said that I am happy for her to form a 'bubble' with us, but I need to be reassured that she won't see anyone other than us (he knows this won't happen, she likes socialising too much). He seemed relatively content with my response, agreed, and we moved on with our lives.

Well, MIL is clearly still asking him, and he decided to ask me again what my opinion was, just as I was falling asleep a couple of nights ago. I said exactly the same as before, but finished with 'I obviously won't stop you from going, but those are my thoughts', then went to sleep.

I just feel irritated that MIL keeps pushing it, and that DP is now gradually deciding that he wants to go and my reasons aren't good enough. I'm sure I now look like the bad guy, and I realise that hardly anyone is sticking to the lockdown rules anymore, but I just don't want to risk it.

Rant over

Not that anyone cares, but I have resolved this with my DP; I agrees with me that he shouldn't go for all the reasons I gave him, and is happy to explain as much to his DM. Yay

As long as you are not seeing you DM or other friends than I think your request seems fair enough. Although the choice would still need to be both of yours.
Obviously if you are, then it would seem you are acting out of spite.

The risk of catching the virus is minimal

Can't they sit in the garden with the football on a laptop?

Yay!

And I disagree that hardly anyone is bothering to do social distancing and stuff anymore. I hope people are, anyway.

The risk of catching the virus is minimal

@Northernparent68 Not really, quite a lot of people have it, and it is our duty to society to do what we can, follow the rules to help stop other people dying, not just ourselves.

OP- I agree with @ClosedDoors , if any of you have a laptop they could watch it on that outside. Keep 2m from his mum and he should be ok.

Glad that you have resolved this. It is a pain but she can't expect him to compromise his health when she will not stick to the rules.

How can two people watch football on a laptop in a garden & be socially distanced?

How can two people watch football on a laptop in a garden & be socially distanced?

@luckylavender They just sit 2m apart. They can be equidistant from the screen. 2m isn't massively far really.

Laptop on a table, chairs 2m apart.

Or if they have patio doors move the tv up to the doors. We did that a lot during the World Cup.

Sounds like he doesn't want to go and is using you as his excuse. "I would.love to come mum but notthe won't let me woe is me"...

We are moving our tv outside so can watch match socially distance style with a friend

Thanks everyone for your responses!

We have not been seeing anyone else, and have been really strict in following the guidelines.

Watching the football on a laptop/moving the TV isn't a bad idea, and I will suggest it to him.

She didn't want to take no for an answer! On the Friday night, she text my DP to ask him what he wanted to eat whilst he was there and telling him to pick up his nephew on the way over!! That really got my goat!

DP definitely wanted to go; he told me that he would have gone if I hadn't objected, but that he understood my reasoning and was happy to agree with me.

Flipping lockdown, eh?

I think a lot of people in Relationships are using the socially distanced thing to control what their partner does.
It awfully needy and as adults we should be able to make choices without being told what’s right or wrong by other half’s.

He obviously wanted to go and although you said you wouldn’t stop him, you did stop him.
If you feel that strongly about Him mixing with other households, tell him to stay with his mum for 2 weeks afterwards.

@Wowwe I think that as mature adults, living together, it is the correct thing to do to discuss these matters with each other. In usual circumstances, there would be no reason for me to even consider that I do not want my DP going round peoples houses. However, these are not normal circumstances. In my opinion, it would be incredibly selfish of one partner to go around 'making their own choices' when the other partner has a strong, valid opinion on something that could affect their lives.

For what it is worth, I did suggest that he could stay at his DM's for two weeks afterwards and, needless to say, he opted to stay with me.