Help - what do you guys think?

[MumtoOne1989]

Ive name changed for this post.

Exp and are currently in court for him to have access to our dc. I don't want to put dc age down but they're non verbal. Exp has been abusive to DC, threatening to slap them and the likes so currently is having supervised contact (he has never had unsupervised contact due to my concerns for dcs safety apart from one occasion for medical reasons on my part from 2 hour's).

I had noticed the person observing the contact lying in her reports about the handover even though I had a witness doing these handover's with me. So for the last two visits I placed an audio device with my DC. It picked up things that contradicts the reports but the thing I'm most concerned about is in the last session you can hear exp being emotionally abusive to DC but I don't know if it's as bad as it seems. My family have all listened to it and said he is agressive and a psycho, they're all in the health sector. But I just wanted an outside option.. obviously I can't post the recording and I don't know if anyone could comment on what I type but it's worth a shot as I'm debating whether or not to submit it to court.

Exp does the following, DC is quietly sitting in pushchair facing forward, exp stops pushchair and says:
"Get out" in an agressive tone, not at all gentle.. DC immediately starts crying and exp says "Get out", "are you going to get out or not?", "Why are you even crying", "get out, oh this is pretty sad DC", dc is still in tears and a I don't want to get out but a distressed cry.. before get finally unclips DC's straps and gets them out.

For me it's not what he says, although I think get out isn't the best way and isn't what I would say, but how aggressively he says it and also the fact he done all of this when dc was strapped in and couldn't even get out even if they wanted to. Concerns me more that this is his behaviour in front of a professional and in public.

So my question is what do you all think of this and do you think I should submit it to court? I know I haven't given a lot of background but he was emotionally and sexually abusive towards myself and emotionally abusive and physically neglectful of dc

You will pick up on tones in his voice more then most and it will trigger some awful memories I bet. I think if you used it in court is there any way you could explain it like that? that it may seem more innocent then it is but you have seen first hand the emotional effect it has and are worried out yours kids emotional wellbeing?

I could do, this is the thing I know his tone and you're right it brings back memories. My family all know what be is like and have observed some of his behaviour and said he is dangerous.. one has even went to social to raise concerns but because dc has been safe guarded by myself they aren't able to do much until the court process ends.

I'm hoping I get a chance to speak at some point to say exactly that but so far it's like the judge isn't interested. I have witness statements etc.

To be honest it's like I'm still in the relationship and he is just controlling and lying in a different way now. Both him and the observer trying to paint me as the crazy mum. So lucky I had decided to bring someone with me for support and they up being witnesses

Also my DC's response, clearly they knew too what it meant.

Emotional abuse is so hard to prove a d it's not like you can show people the scars and the proof. I wish I was more help but I do understand at least how hard it must be to have him abuse you and knowing exactly how he will be making your kids feel. Yous deserve better then that and hopefully they see right through him and you stand your ground and tell them everything and make them understand

I wish I could say that courts/Cafcass will protect your child but there is such an overwhelming focus on children having to see parents that what you consider unacceptable is judged "good enough parenting".

Don't be surprised that reporting is always generous to the fathers side. My DC were of an age where there could be listened to and clearly explained how aggressive their father was yet it was completely played down in reports and just said he should "see someone". I.e counsellor. My DC felt very let down. Ultimately the report was in their favour but it felt as if the need for balance trumped reality.

I think the threshold for parenting is set so low that abuse has to be physical and even then serious.

It is likely he will get access hopefully limited so that your dc has security ahx safety with you.

I was shocked how in his favour it was, I was even more shock that they tried to say I didn't wrap dc up enough on a cold day, even lying about the amount of layers (I took a picture to prove what she was wearing). Tried handing DC changing bag with a all in one coat in case they got too cold, exp refused to take this and said he has clothes.. in the report they said I didn't supply a coat, luckily I recorded that too. Basically trying to paint me as the bad mum leaving dc cold.. so so lucky I recorded it and had a witness but it doesn't bring me comfort as I think if that professional lied how many others will do the same .

I just don't want dc having to go through what I did with their fathers, even now a year after leaving him I still doubt myself. I done the freedom programme, contacted women's aid and I know I shouldn't doubt myself but I do.

Honestly just feel like I can't protect my DC.

I think like you said @Techway the best I can hope for is limited contact, maybe see if I can get him to take a few courses too.

This is a man that have used racial profanities towards dc and with his anger I have no doubt would harm dc in a fit of rage if DC is unable to calm him