50 50 residency

[Curious78]

I have been a single parent since early pregnancy when DD dad chose not to want a family with me, although I have ensured that he has played an active role in her life. She's 4. She spends time with him 5 nights a fortnight as well as special requests, (birthday's, family occasions) one week of his annual leave (his choice) and we also share Xmas, Easter and bank holidays. Yet this is not enough for him and wants to take me to court for more. What do you think his chances of 50/50 residency are? I feel I am doing all that is reasonable in the circumstances

Honestly, I really don't like 50/50 residency as i think it must feel like a constant state of flux for children but courts seem to favour this. How old are DC? Are they at school?

Sorry, just seen she is 4. Is she starting school in September? I think you are doing enough to facilitate a good relationship - has your DD expressed a wish to spend more time with him?

My eldest DD had 50/50 with me and her Dad.

She hated it. Especially when she got to secondary school. She lives with me now full time, she's 18.

The extent to which this is feasible or desirable for a child depends on a lot of factors in how you all live and work. It’s impossible to comment on the information you provide. All your are going to get is personal opinion based on a biased group. They won’t be the decision makers.

The only contention you are putting forward to stop this is that 30% is enough time with one parent. You must see that works both ways. Would you be content with it?

My cousin did it with his son worked absolutely fantastic .
In teen years they more or less left it up to him where and when he wanted to stay .
They did full weeks so settled with school .
But they do get on REALLY well as friends just didn't work as couple which I think made it work so well.

I don't like the term either to be fair. The mediator expressed to him last year when he last attempted it how awful it was. It feels like he wants the control that a more balanced household would have. He would rather do all the comms and keep me in the loop rather than the other way round. I keep telling him what PR actually means, that doesn't help I suppose. She will start school in September and being of a young age, she is not expressing a desire to live with him but is obviously excited to see him.

He has a full time job which takes him all around this country and several others. He spends a lot of time on the road and is heavily supported by his parents whom he lives with. I on the other hand dropped down to part time hours when I became a mum and it will be that way for some time to come. You adapt your life when you have children, your children don't fit around the life you have. At least that's how I see it anyway.

He can't have his cake and eat it...can he ?

Surely if he travels and works all hours he can't manage 50/50.
I don't how this works but it sounds like he doesn't want 50/50 contact, he just wants her away from you 50% of the time.
His parents don't have parental responsibility either. How can a court think this is in her best interest?
Like I say I don't know how it works but I'm interested because I may go through this soon.

@fuckmyliferightnow I'm not sure how it works either. I do know that he thinks it perfectly reasonable to request more overnight stays in a week and have his sister, parents or a preschool cover during the day and evening, meaning she would currently spend less time with both of us. His excuse being he likes waking up to her and giving her breakfast. I honestly struggle to see his logic in how that is in her best interests.

I think your current set up is perfect.

I would just tell him if he wants to spend money on it going to court he can go ahead but given he is not going to be there why is he wasting time and money

Does he currently pay maintenance?

His argument is about himself and his desire not the best interest of your dd.

Let him take you to court. He has reasonable access. Why increase access if he won't be there to see her?

Maybe take note of his travel commitments for the next few months so you have an accurate record of how often he is at home.

Yes, he has always paid maintenance of some sort. We initially came to our own agreement with me having the option to approach him for money for items outside of the day to day things but I never did. I didn't feel comfortable in doing so. I went down the CMS route 8 months ago because I had approached him for a review on a couple of occasions and he wouldn't entertain one, refusing to discuss financials with the mediator. There was a £200 monthly disparity between what he had been giving me and what they calculated which wasn't well received, oops.

I set up an email address to make it easier for us to keep track of amendments to the rota and so everything is documented in that respect. He just sees it as it being nice and fortunate for her that his grandparents and extended family are able to spend time so much time with her which is great of course, however it's not what parenthood is all about really.