Just wondered if anybody can help or relate... I have this pattern of fluctuating feelings in relationships. Some weeks I think my bf is best thing since sliced bread, others weeks I can feel almost nothing and everything he says and does gets on my nerves.
Not wishing to drip feed but I did this in the few relationships I had before I was married. Madly in love then would hit a wall, pick fault and dump them around 18 months in. Had an awful marriage, DV and emotional abuse. Plucked up courage to leave after 15 years, tho had wanted to do so many times before but didn’t want to break up the family (yes in hindsight know that was wrong). I’m on my second relationship post divorce. Had plenty of time single before each (around 2 years).
Done lots of counselling, recognise that I very much self sabotage, linked to significant childhood bereavements, need to be in control - god knows why I married who I did, tho at the time I kind of wore the trousers. God how that changed!
I’m in a good healthy relationship, really missed him in lockdown, we speak every single day. Now however, he is just getting right on my nerves. Am being shallow about things that shouldn’t matter but also recognise that is typical me, find a reason to believe it’s no good and steam ahead with it. I know I love him really but keep listing reasons in my head I should finish it. Been together over two years. Everything he says and does gets on my nerves at the mo. In the early days I liked the fact that he was quite a protector and a sensible adult, now sometimes I just feel patronised.
Never found a counsellor who can really help me resolve my issues. I don’t really want to end up on my own (I value my own company a lot but did get v lonely a few weeks into lockdown).
I’m rambling really and don’t know what I’m asking. I just wish I could fall in love and stay in love... I wish I could stay happy. What sort of counselling would help, CBT? Any thoughts welcome, thank you.