Not seeing dad on Father’s Day

[fathersday2020]

Hi all,

After a bit of advice. I have two DC aged 8 & 6. Myself and their father are not together, and haven’t been for the last 5 years. He has access EOW and about 40% of school holidays.

Obviously this weekend coming up is Father’s Day, which falls on ‘my’ weekend. I offered a swap of weekends or an additional weekend to their father so they could spend Father’s Day with him, but he has refused this.

The DC are now asking why they won’t be seeing him on Father’s Day. I’m loathed to make excuses for him as he has form for being uninvolved/uninterested, and doesn’t speak to them from one contact weekend to the next.

WWYD??

My DDs dad is the same. Well worse, he hasn’t seen her since March. You can’t do anything much.

I told DD the truth, not in an angry way as I try to keep my feelings about him out of sight. Just, I messaged your dad to see if he wants to meet on Father’s Day So you can give him your card and he did not reply, I’m not sure why. I’ll follow up with offering to plan something nice to do with her on Sunday,

Thanks @definatelyagree

I’ve said similar to them, but the eldest especially keeps asking why

"I don't know, darling, you'll have to ask daddy when you next see him. Shall we get on with making a card you can post to him/give him next weekend?"

It's shit, I know. Very hard balancing act between "not bad mouthing their dad" and "acknowledging their feelings and being truthful".

Pass it back. Its not wrong to say that you don't know why, or that they should ask him next time they see him. It's even OK to say that you asked him if he wanted to swap.

Him not seeing them is not your responsibility. What it does mean is that you are (probably not for the first time) left to pick up the pieces and try and teach them some resilience.

My two have just said they're neither sending cards or a gift to their DDad due to years of him letting them down. Your kids will figure it out eventually op