My husband has three personalities

[WashedUpDriedOut]

I'd say 80% of the time, dh is a great guy. Fun, generous, loving.

However, once or twice a year, he becomes almost manic in his jollity. He's over the top FunFunFun and it's quite wearing. Lots of loud singing, dancing about, rash spending of money, accelerated sex drive.

It is quite alarming although it sounds like fun. This might last a week or two.

This ott jolly episode might be followed by a couple of weeks of a really nasty personality.

Quick to anger at nothing, utterly irrational and verbally nasty. Or the nasty personality might emerge without having even preceded by the jolly one.

When he is in either of these two alternative modes, I can't get through to him. Nor can the dcs.

Then these episodes subside and it's back to normal again for ages. I've tried diarising them fo establish a pattern and there isn't really apart from sometimes the nasty persona comes immediately after the ultra jolly one.

I think he has some sort of personality disorder. I'd like him (us?) to visit a psychiatrist but he's baulking at the cost of a private one and the waiting list for an NHS one is very long.

It's unnerving for us to witness this switch of personality. He can't really remember how he's behaved and apologises for anything he's said or done.

He does a he thinks he's "mad" and always has been.

It's been a tough year. We've moved house, he lost his job and a parent. He's now employed again and all seems steady for now. And the jolly and nasty persona emerged for longer than usual over the last six months.

Do you think he should see a psychiatrist or should I just leave it?

Tbf the nasty behaviour isnt something I would associate with bipolar.

I wonder if he is covertly nasty in other ways throughout the year, it's just less noticable.

I would absolutely that he needs to talk to his GP first. But yes, it does need looking at further.

And you need help too. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

Hello feel like the resident bipolar armchair diagnoser here (have it myself) but read your first post & didn’t even read one response - bipolar red flags all over this one ! YES PSYCHIATRIST NOW! He will need to see one for some time for them to make a proper evaluation. Took me around 6 months & went private in my country which was expensive but worth it.

Also the episode later of intense anger are still the mania - he starts out happy but then can be quick to snap in anger. That’s classic manic behaviour. It’s not always happy energy, it can be a frustrated energy too.

To clarify re psychiatrist - unless you were able to get him there when he is in that exciteable state then perhaps something could be diagnosed sooner, if he was appearing erratic or swept up in ideas/dreams that seem unrealistic to a medical professional. Like he wants to quit his job & do his hobby all day & night and hasn’t been sleeping etc.

Does he have any particular crutches ? Alcohol, exercise, food? What are his sleep patterns like ? Is he prone to being a night old & sleeping in ? If he were to have disrupted sleep for a short while how does this affect him ?

@Bunnymumy aggressive nasty behaviour can be a feature of hypomania. I know for me am more prone to exhibit signs of road rage for example, when usually am a very chill driver & will always let people cut in & drive slow. So things will set me off that normally will let slide. I have said some regrettably nasty things to people when manic. It’s like I don’t have time for anyone else not on board my fun train

www.nhs.uk/conditions/bipolar-disorder/symptoms/

It sounds like bipolar, although I think the 'downer' that most of them get is a low energy, depressive downer, not necessarily being nasty to other people.

If you find this hard to cope with now or or find it worrying, it might get worse in time. If it does, expect, gambling (he's already been spending rashly according to you), accelerated or incoherent speech, pacing, insomnia, grandiose statements about himself and at its worst, full on delusions of grandeur such as claiming to have been contacted by a top recruiter in MI6 or been sent on a secret mission to save the country. Expect him to get worse in his spending (like spending a huge amount on a car) and he might possibly lose his job due to extreme risk taking or similar.

I saw your post that he's on anti-ds after I posted.

He needs to see/speak to his GP ASAP IMHO. You could chip in on the call/meeting if he's happy for you to do that.

Anti-depressants mightn't be something that's good for him to be on on their own, if he does have bipolar (which is for the consultant to consider) he should be on a mood stabilizer too.

This needs to be addressed.

He needs a psychiatric assessment OP.

Remember mania isn’t always happy. That’s quite a dangerous misconception. Mania can be rage, irritability, aggression and paranoia too.

I agree that his symptoms seem both severe enough to go to the doctors and ask for a referral to mental health services. Obviously everything is delayed in the NHS but this shouldn't stop you from getting the process started. In the meantime I would ask your husband to continue keeping a brief mood diary to try and identify just how regularly things are difficult for him. I think you should maybe try to write a full and objective statement about each phase or hehaviour as this might be heloful. There might be further behaviours/feelings that he is more able to hide and you are only seeing what he can't control.

I personally would pay for a diagnostic appointment with a psychiatrist if I had to. If you don't get anywhere quickly with the NHS I would absolutely take this route. (And I would prioritise it over all leisure activities /non essential items/ holidays etc.

To me one of the most concerning things is his lack of memory after the incidents. It must be very difficult for husband you to live like this. Good luck with it all.

Thank you all for your wise words and input.

So dh has agreed to see a psychiatrist once his health insurance through work kicks in which will be in six weeks time.

He already went to see a GP about it all and was referred to a psychiatrist who wanted £450. We have had a tough year financially and he didn't want to spend the money just yet.

He knows he needs to though.

It can be quite a rollercoaster when these episodes occur. I'm mostly concerned for the dcs. They've not seen much but my eldest rolls his eyes when he recognises the ultra jolly episodes.

Sounds like it could be hypomania OP. I have Bipolar and get episodes just like you describe. First it starts with me having lots of energy, I’m really productive and full of good ideas. I spend money like it’s water, want sex all the time and basically have no filters whatsoever. Then as you describe, it kind of flips and goes bad. I get irritable and angry at the drop of a hat, I’m extremely impatient, I’ll start one thing, then get bored and leave it to do something else. My mind ends up racing so much I can’t think straight or keep a thought in my head. It feels like my brain is speeding up and I get frustrated because the world can’t keep up. A tell tale sign one of these episodes is coming on is my sleeping pattern. I start sleeping less and not needing to sleep. It can affect my appetite as well.

Does your H ever have episodes of low mood as well?

Try to keep an eye on his sleeping patterns, when he sleeps more or less than normal. Also speech can be affected. When I’m on a hypo I can speak really quickly and I can’t stop where as when I’m depressed my speech is slow and slurred.

If any of this sound familiar it might be worth asking the GP to refer him for an assessment with the MH team. Some people who have Bipolar can live with it without it making much impact on their lives, but just sometimes it can spiral way out of control, and when that happens it’s bloody scary for everybody. It can also lie dormant for years. I can go a good few years without any troubling symptoms but very occasionally things can go very wrong and I’ve ended up in hospital.

I’ve just seen that he’s on ADs. If he does have Bipolar ADs can be very dangerous if not taken with other medications. I went on ADs before I was diagnosed and they sent me into a horrible manic episode. That was one the occasions I landed up in hospital.

Okay , just to say ( this happened with me with something else) health insurance only usually covers conditions that you haven't previously saw the doctor about. Check the small print in his new health insurance.

Tell your husband his mental health is worth a lot more than £450 and that if you have to go down that route you will. Once he has the diagnosis everything will go back through the NHS, treatment etc.

I hope you can get it through private healthcare though , but find out now either way .

Yes, bells ringing for bipolar here as well. I would encourage him to speak to your GP to explore further.

One issue can occasionally be that the person with bipolar is almost afraid of losing the highs they experience where they feel productive, energised, achieving and happy, so they procrastinate visiting professionals and baulk at medication which may stop these. But if this is having a negative impact on your family as well as him he needs to take that seriously for your sakes.

Is it normal in the UK to be on ADs without the guidance of a psychiatrist? I think in US you have to be under care of psychiatrist. I would def see a professional, especially if it is starting to impact his career/family.

Yeah, GP’s prescribe AD’s and they’re very trigger happy with them.

@StarScream22 seems crazy to me! I find gps to be only slightly more useful than google...and mostly just gatekeepers for the doctors who can actually run tests and help etc...

Ok I don’t know what your GP’s are like but our are very helpful and can run tests etc.

Actually birdy our GPs ARE kind of the gatekeepers to refer onto specialists etc. They are trained to see if/where the referral should be made into and/or if tests should be carried out help identify that.

They are able to diagnose and treat a range of symptoms and illnesses as well. They could have a pregnant patient, followed by someone with Alzheimer's, followed by someone with type 1 diabetes, followed by a child with whooping cough... They cannot be experts at everything but a good GP is a wonderful thing to have.

@StarScream22 hmm yeah maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️ it cost me 50$ to see a gp and I've never had them run anything more than a basic blood panel (even then I have to go to another location for blood draw etc) which I have to pay for too!

Long live the NHS!

Most likely bipolar. Antidepressants tend to make it worse, he needs mood stabilisers. And yes, I'm qualified.

I read lithium is often used to treat bipolar.

Isn't this quite heavy duty drug? I get that there are varying doses but can one function at work at on lithium?