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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your top tips please......

1 reply

FlorenceandZebedee · 16/06/2020 19:51

This is my first time posting so please bear with. I am after some hope and to hear from people who have separated/divorced and got through it amicably. To fill in a little background information last July my husband told me that he was unhappy and wanted to end our 13 year marriage. Although I was upset, particularly as initially he said he didn't want to work to make it better which threw me into a rage after all of our years together and having 2 children, I do acknowledge that things hadn't been right between us for a while and although I voiced these thoughts in my head I didn't out loud. He said that he was unhappy, didn't feel we were connected and he felt like an outsider in his own home. I always felt that this was largely a mental health problem on his part stemming from parents who flattened and never dealt with any emotions or problems. Over the course of the year we both had therapy both individual and couples (after worrying we hadn't explored every avenue) and after Christmas he more or less moved out although we never told the children and used work as the excuse. He didn't stick to his therapy or pursue help as much as I thought he should whereas I have continued to see my therapist and it has been the best support I never knew I needed. Then lockdown happened and he moved back in. Lockdown has been amicable and we've put the kids first but there has not been a sign that we should be together. Last weekend he broke down and told me that he is still struggling hugely with his mental health-basically no change. So that's it, I am done. Of course I want him to be well and I will support him in trying to be well but I accept we don't have a future as a couple. But now the unravelling starts, telling people, telling the children, financial separation, living arrangements- I feel exhausted just typing it. I'm very sad as as a family we have a good life together and I still care about him but I'm not devastated. So basically I'm after your top tips to get through this transition period, any advice will be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Mama05 · 16/06/2020 22:52

Hi, so sorry you’re going through this.

I have split with my partner but I was the one to initiate the split, he moved out but came back due to lockdown too and we also have a baby.

We are getting on fine, but have our own quiet time away from each other and sleep in separate beds.

I still make meals for us all, do the washing etc etc but we are like housemates and that’s it.

I wouldn’t tolorate him being disrespectful to me in my home, I.e active on dating sites/apps or making plans to meet women whilst he’s staying in my house. That’s not because I am jealous or controlling but he is here for our child’s sake and whilst he is inbetween homes he is starting to learn how to take care of our baby on his own for when he has him at his new place as I was doing the lions share previously.

My only advice is to try get on as best as you can and it will do your kids the world of hood to see that their mum and dad can still get on for their sake.

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