Can anyone explain why I’m feeling this way?

[Whynow88]

Have name changed as could be identifiable.

I split with my ex 7 years ago. He was emotionally abusive, probably financially too. The abuse probably got worse after I left. He’s cruel, manipulative and narcissistic.
We have one child together. I’ve spent the last 7 years trying to co parent with an absolute dick. Lots of issues around contact, harassment, verbal and mental abuse. I hate him basically, for what he has put me, my family and my child through.

He has met someone. Not for the first time might I add. He is a different person when in a relationship. Calm, stable and polite(until the mask slips). They seem happy. She has children too.

Why the fuck am I bothered? I’m pissed off that he’s this doting fucking family man when he was basically a monster to me.
Never shows any respect to me as the mother of his child yet has so much for this new woman coping with 2 kids on her own.

In fairness the last relationship he had ended badly. Very badly. This one seems different but I’m aware it’s early days.
I feel awful that I want it to fail, I want her to see how much of a bastard he is. And that’s not me. I’m kind, I’m caring. I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through one day of his abuse so why do I feel like this?

Absolutely cannot share with anyone in real life, maybe just need to vent?

She'll see in time. Leave them be, or you'll look like the bad guy!

It will end the same in time. Unless he has got therapy and intensely worked on his issues then the pattern of abuse will repeat.

This notion of people playing happy families is bullshit. No relationship is like that.

He may of stepped up his lovebombing or be on best behaviour but it's more likely because he thinks that this relationship is going to be good for him, that he's going to be a grown up but the true him will come out again.

Don't sweat it, let him done him and remember it wasn't you that was the issue. It is them and the relationship is only ever about them!

You're still letting this man control you. I know you want revenge and you want to see him suffer and quite right. But honestly, forgive him. Forgive him and move on with your life and don't give him anymore of your thoughts. He's living rent free in your head and your allowing it.

@nolovelost oh no I wouldn’t actually act or tell him or her that this is how I feel. I’m confused is all.
@illclapwheniminpressed this makes sense, he will be love bombing 100% and she literally has no clue what a monster he can be.

I would think he will just go on to play out this relationship in the same way. FWIW, my XH thought life was going to be wonderful without me in in it, re-married within 2 months of the divorce. He now spends mucho time waxing lyrical to our adult DD about our family times. I just find it very sad that he has managed to eff up another family as well as ours.

It took me a while to get over it, but life is better now, and hopefully it will be for you too

@missrks I’ve only ever wanted peace, revenge doesn’t really come into it. I want the peaceful, calm happy him. It’s best for our child. But you’ve probably hit a nerve in that I haven’t been able to move on properly(think him watching house/questioning dc about my relationships etc).
I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been, probably happier than I ever have been and yet these thoughts have crept in about how fucking unfair it is. That if he is now “normal” then why not for us

If it makes you feel any better, I was the new girlfriend in this scenario. Two years in and my partner revealed himself to be a lying, manipulative, vindictive narcissist. I’m a year out of it and the police investigation into his harassment of me is only just coming to an end now.

For the first year, he couldn’t have been a better partner. Thoughtful, kind, generous, loving - I thought we would get married (thank god we didn’t). I’m sure it must have been hard for his ex before me seeing us playing happy families especially when his two little kids came to stay with us. But he showed his true colours in the end...and then went on to do so again with his next girlfriend straight after me. I know it’s hard, but try to remember these people do not change. What you see on the outside is more than likely very different to the real picture.

I feel awful that I want it to fail, I want her to see how much of a bastard he is.
I know what you mean. I don't even wish my exh badly any more (he is flawed but not abusive), but if he found someone who thought he was the bees knees, and with whom he seemed to get on great, I'd still feel weird about it. For me, I think it would be that a) he could have made the effort with me, and just didn't; and b) a sneaky feeling that maybe his unpleasant behaviour was my fault. The latter is partly because my exh depicted me as a cold bitch/nag etc. to his OW. If he's telling his latest gf unpleasant revisionist stories about me too, I'd like her to at least guess that there might be another side to it.