Seeing extended family too much

[SatsumaZoom]

I love my family very much but I don't want to see them every day or even every other day. Lockdown has given me space to breathe and be with my own kids and dh and it's been really special. Now that it's been lifted suddenly the expectations are back and I'm feeling crowded. And stressed. Family from both sides ask to come over any day that the weather is good enough ..

They aren't the type to take it well if I try and talk to them about it. Even my dh thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing, but if they come over straight after home schooling I literally have no time to do anything and I hate it. I'm made to feel bad if I say no and I feel bad myself if I say yes to please everyone else and I end up in a mental tug of war trying to work out how to 'play' it for the best...

Can anyone one offer any advice? I am so grateful to have them all in my life but I'm really struggling.

Just be honest!

“Looking forward to spending time together, though I’ll probably only be able to meet up once per week/fortnight [whatever works] for the time being as we have so much to catch up on/I’m finding i get some much more done when we have a bit more time just us at home/I’m enjoying my own space now I’ve got used to it!* See you on Monday’

*delete as appropriate, depending on how honest you want to be.

I’m same, I wouldn’t be able to stomach seeing either side of the family more than once every few weeks personally.

I can’t relate because I’m in the opposite situation to you. We literally have to beg to get extended family to visit us and our kids. It’s very lonely and we’ve actually considered emigrating because nobody gives a shit that we live in this country! I’m so jealous but I can understand how not having any free time must be frustrating. Just message and say “I’m really sorry but we can’t today. I really need to get some housework done” you don’t have to give elaborate excuses. If you dial it down to once a week then they will get used to it. They must love your company to come so often

I know it's easy to say from a distance, but they can't MAKE you say yes, and they can't MAKE you feel bad. They can try - especially the latter - but it only works if you let it. You have the power to change it.

In your shoes, I'd probably start by fobbing them off: "yeah, that would be great - next week is better for us, let me call you then and make an arrangement." Then don't. Might be easier if you need to build up to assertiveness!

The inability to just be honest is so difficult to manage. Think you are right @KeyboardMash I shall start with baby steps. It's entirely my control how I feel and react and how much it gets to me. I feel like I'm being ungrateful @needhandhold and I'm so sorry you shouldn't have to beg family to be with you that must be so hard for you.

They've got much younger children than we do (toddlers) so I think in part they visit because we are entertainment and help, and although I can see how lovely it is for my kids they are considerably older and they don't want to always want to do it either.

I shall try and follow your advice. Thank you for listening, don't know why it's getting me down so much!