Feel worthless

[sistagldnhair]

My partner broke it off with me for the third time (I know, what a mug) at the end of February. He said I could stay in the house ‘for as long as you want’ (it belongs to his family) I didn’t go back to my parents, because the sheer humiliation of going back and forth is making me feel like shit. Plus we have a child and animals, I just couldn’t face it. I’m not very strong, and I think it’s because I’ve had the stuffing knocked out of me so much. Then I couldn’t go home as my parents are elderly, and I’m a key worker so felt I would be putting them at risk. So I’ve been stuck in this ‘limbo’. I slept with him one night because I’m daft and tbh, I’ve felt so down and alone quarantined away from family and friends. He then reverted to acting like I was a bit of the furniture again. Things have been mostly civil, and fine since. Then over the past week he started kissing me, and I let him, I thought things were changing for the better. Then he went cold again, and he’s been constantly messaging on his phone. Like literally every couple of minutes. He guards it with his life, if our daughter is watching YouTube he will take it off her if I walk in the room. I asked him who he was messaging and he said ‘none of your business’ I asked was he seeing someone and he denied it but said ‘if I was it’s nothing to do with you, and if you don’t like it get out of my house’ he knows I have nowhere to go at the moment and holds that over me if we argue. When I got home from a night shift this morning my photograph of me holding our newborn, had been taken off the picture shelf behind the sofa and hidden facing the wall behind a large vase on the other side of the room. I think he might have had who he’s messaging round. I know you all will read this and think he’s horrible so why am I bothered, but I’m so hurt. He called me a cunt when I confronted him, and said if I didn’t leave his house he would throw me out. I’ve hardly slept all day and I have another night shift tonight. I can’t stop crying, I’m so upset and feel so alone

Oh and he was on annual leave this week, works nights in a management position and ‘had’ to go into work twice. Once for 4 hours in the morning then for 4 hours at night turning back up at 2am.

I’m sorry, OP. This sounds dire.

I know you would feel uncomfortable going to your parents’, but this environment is incredibly damaging to you and your LO. What would you say to a friend in your situation?

Staying at the beck and call of a hot and cold verbally abusive man whilst he is clearly seeking other options is no way to live- in lockdown or outside of it. Imagine the example you’d be setting to your daughter if you stay.

This man has run you ragged for too long. You are worth far more than crumbs of affection on his terms and I’m sorry to say that who he is involved with- separate to their involvement with your child- is no longer your concern. You are disrespecting yourself by expecting him to behave like your partner when he is not giving you a scrap of decency- only when he has a need for you to meet.

Time to be strong, OP. Put some plans in place to walk away from this loser with your LO and your animals.

You already know what to do op, just leave and go to your parents or a friend that can have you, i'm sure they will understand that you and your DD cannot tolerate his behaviour any longer, don't face the humiliation of him throwing you out and never go back to him again. He sounds really awful op you deserve your freedom back.

I just desperately hoped he would change. He never used to be like this. I’m gutted

He is not going to change. And honestly it sounds like he feels entitled to get sex off you because it's his house. How much are you willing to loose of yourself for him?

Grab all the things that are yours, including your dignity and leave, and don't dare look back. Whatever he tells you to hoover you back in so he can have his bit of fun, don't listen to it, they are never going to be the words you truly want to hear, so you will need to change your inner voice to be louder than his, be strong for your little one., and specially for you. You have left once, there is no shame leaving again, and in all honesty you will be getting far more respect by leaving such a bag of a man.

You will in a few days time, weeks even, feel so much stronger. But I promise you will never be strong by staying in his house, under his thumb.

And you are never ever worthless, remember that.

He’s not going to change. My ex acted exactly like this when he was seeing somebody else. He’s seeing somebody else. Go back to your parents and stay there. Start working out how to get your own place. Is he paying maintenance for your child? If not, contact CMS. You also need to work out access arrangements.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I know it’s not really my business when we are no longer together, but because he had been making advances towards me it was upsetting for me. Ive woken up today feeling a lot stronger, I’ve actually made some proactive steps to get myself out of this funk. Organised a PT to start in July (fingers crossed) sold some shares to get some extra cash in my account. I’ve even been looking at jobs to get more hours as my daughter will be in reception in September. Small steps I know, but they’re big for me. I’ve been a no confidence ball of anxiety for a long time x

You dont sound worthless to me. You sound like someone who is really starting to get her shit together.

I second @funnylittlefloozie. You sound smart.

My fairweather ex-fiancé ended things less than two months ago. I’ve since bought an apartment and I’m in the best shape of my life.

Onwards! X

You got this. Its hard to take the first steps, but you will soon feel so empowered by your own positive actions.