Partner not helping with baby

[Mummysarah12]

Anyone wise have a partner who is unhelpful with looking after children? We have a 14 month old, I have just gone back to work & feel like I’m struggling already. This weekend he had a lie in both days, disappeared yesterday afternoon & spent this afternoon sleeping. I confronted him about it & he said he was tired. I exploded! I have had to look after our LO, dealt with a 4am wake up this morning, had to deal with nap refusal today... he replied to me that it’s not a competition & that he works longer hours than me & needs the rest. It is so unfair. I am back at work tmw & exhausted, I didn’t even get 5 mins to myself...he does work longer hrs than me but I cut my hrs to pick up our LO from the Childminder’s, do her tea, bath, bedtime etc etc.
Is this normal behaviour of men? Do other fathers help at weekends? I am just not going to be able to cope with this attitude...

It's not normal or acceptable.

If you're both around at weekends & shattered then "jobs" need to be shared. Alternate lie ins as standard & you should both have time to yourselves if this is what you want.

Taking care of a child is as exhausting as work, so he doesn't necessarily work "more" than you.

You have found a shit man to have a child with.
Please stop saying helping, it's his child he should be doing, not helping.
Tell him he better step up or ship out and stop doing anything for him in the meantime, nothing at all.
Look after you and baby,

The ones who aren't total shits do. I am sorry you are going through this. In my experience few volunteer for the grudge work until it's demanded, lie ins should be shared out. It's attitude stinks worse than a day old nappy. Please do not put up with it

This is the normal behaviour of a man who is really a man child. He has probably been raised by a mother who ran around after her boy doing everything for him at home short of wiping his bum. She probably also told him incessantly how special he was and blew smoke up his arse.

He should indeed bring doing and I would urge you to stop thinking about him in terms of him helping you.

He is neither of use or ornament.

@Devlesko

You have found a shit man to have a child with. Please stop saying helping, it's his child he should be doing, not helping. Tell him he better step up or ship out and stop doing anything for him in the meantime, nothing at all. Look after you and baby,

This. Word for word. Also tell him it's not a bloody competition about who works more hours doing whatever. It's about being a team, about wanting to make life easier for the person you love for god sake.

It’s not about helping, it’s about parenting. Ask him why he doesn’t want to spend any time with his child. This isn’t only about giving you a break, it’s about a Dad spending time with their child.

No it’s not normal or acceptable. We have a 16 month old and a 4 year old. We take it in turns to have a lie in until 9am on the weekends. Split bathtime and bedtime equally. Try to make sure we each get a sit down at some point in the day but not always possible!

My ex was like this. To my surprise I have found that single parenting is easier than parenting dc whilst tolerating a useless man-child getting in the way.

No you are both working and when your not working your still very busy with the baby so weekends should be shared equally so you can both have a rest You need to sort this now or it will get worse it’s not ok you will end up burnt out x

@Devlesko
Word for word.

You have had a child with one of life's wasters.

I'm sure he wasn't any great shakes beforehand either.

This is your life now.

I hope your contraception is sorted, otherwise you will have a couple of more children before you blink and will have signed up for a really hard life, much harder than it is today.

This is who he is.
Accept it and suck it up.

Or move on and make a better life for yourself.

Clearly from your post he has zero interest in his child either.
Surprise, surprise.

Wishing you a better future.

How many hours a day does he work, how many days?

How many hours a day do you work, including the childcare, how many days?

You need to nip this in the bud right now, however painful it is, or else it will get worse and worse and you will get even more exhausted and resentful.

He’s going to have to do a lot more childcare when you split up, isn’t he ?