So my partner suffers with depression. He is on medication and is seeking counselling but this terrible bout (including major anxiety) doesn’t seem to be getting better. We lived together and he was so lovely and our relationship honestly had no flaws (together a year and a half). Then when this bout of depression hit, his thoughts changed everyday, he’s moving out, he doesn’t want to move out, he loves me but this isn’t fair on me, he needs to be selfish and move back to his hometown (40mins away) to be with his family when he feels so low, he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship, he does want one, then he phoned me randomly one day after a counselling session to tell me he was moving out and renting with his best friend. Things changed again, and I stuck by him despite never knowing what was happening and being up and down riding this emotional roller coaster with him. He ended up moving back with his parents (he’s 30) and we saw eachother at weekends.
The thing was, I could handle this and the space was what I needed to focus on myself as I was becoming unwell looking after him and not knowing when his mind would change, what I couldn’t handle was him telling me when he did see me he didn’t know what was for the best, didn’t know if we should have a break, telling me his family and friends are telling him to have time on his own etc. We were supposed to be spending quality time together. He wouldn’t come near me, barely spoke to me, and it was like having a complete stranger in the house, he said things that he wouldn’t normally and just seemed much colder. When he is through at his parents, he barely keeps in touch, messages are short and he has a real disinterest me. Yet he can be out and about with his best friend drinking wine and walking the dogs and telling me all the places he’s been. Basically I sit at home on my own thinking about him and where our relationship is going, worrying about the uncertainty, and I’ve done nothing but stand by him.
He came over this weekend, didn’t want to do much, doesn’t come near me (that’s nothing new), there is no intimacy or affection anymore and we went for a walk where he asked me how i was feeling even though he knew as I openly communicate with him but he doesn’t like to hear if I’m hurting as it makes him feel bad and he becomes defensive and pushes me away. So I told him, I find it hard being an outsider in his life, I find it tough when he pushes me away but can let other people in but that I expect nothing of him I just want to support him to get better. He decides a break is for the best, days it’s obviously not working for me or for him and clears my full house of his stuff and leaves. The worst part? I am sitting in tears on the couch trying to talk to him and he is on Facebook and messaging his friend. I asked him if he could put his phone down as i was trying to talk to him and says ‘you’re not talking you’re just going round in circles.’ That hurt.
When he gets back to his parents he messages me to thank me for supporting him and that he doesn’t want me to have to deal with things if I am not happy with him coming over at the weekends and him being as he is’. I couldn’t believe he turned it round on me. I took a giant step back and ceased contact as he wanted to be on his own and work on himself but he continues to text me (in a very dry form). Last night texting me at 2am asking if I was up, and I wasn’t and then this morning asking what how I slept and if I was out last night. I said for a little yes and kept it short and he sarcastically said ‘is it a secret where?’. I don’t understand, he wanted this break, turns it round on me, then continues to text me. I want to cease contact because this small talk to me is very pointless when we are both trying to have some space. Should I tell him? I don’t think he knows what a break really entails. Am I wrong to feel so hurt and betrayed?