MIL has always been a bit rude, supposedly without meaning too. A third of her family (including a sibling) no longer have contact with her due to insulting remarks over the years. She always plays the victim when talking about this, “poor me, they don’t bother with me anymore, what did I do?” DH and his siblings are blunt with her, call her out when she says something awful etc. It doesn’t change anything though.
She moved hours away (we were 20mins apart) just as I found out I was pregnant. Honestly, this didn’t bother me too much, I find her exhausting and didn’t look forward to that during pregnancy. Visiting her during this time wasn’t great, constant unsolicited advice on parenting, trying to get me to drink alcohol (and berating me for being so over the top by politely refusing) This has continued with them as babies, lots of ‘advice’ tried to feed my 4 month old a whole banana because ‘in her day..’ constantly going on and on about shifting that baby weight. If I hear her tell me about how are ‘marital bed’ should be one more time I’m going to scream.
Due to the nature of DHs work it’s difficult to stay with them other than when he has booked holiday, the house is also extremely un-baby/toddler proof, so when we stay it’s a bit stressful, but we visit as regularly as we can. This does have to fit around a hobby she has, quite often dates DH can get off work won’t work, or last minute cancellations due to hobby related things. She stayed with us once last year (rearranged several times) and we did a couple of ‘halfway’ visits.
We live just over an hour away from my parents. My DM visits at least once a week, (obviously different story during lockdown) and MIL doesn’t like this. She’s seeing it as some sort of competition. Every phone call from DH starts with “when are you/have you seen littleyikes’ mum?” She gets upset and argues with DH that she doesn’t see her grandchildren enough that we need to make more of an effort to bring them to her.
It’s now onto gift giving - what are my parents getting DC for Christmas/birthday etc? And then her go to phrase “oh yes, I use to get like that with MY first grandchild” which I thinks just a shitty statement to make. She flip-flops between tears and anger that she doesn’t see them, to acting like she doesn’t care.
She’s just draining. I feel like such a bitch, I’ve blocked her number because I’m tired of the messages and phone calls riddled with put downs and her problems, I could spend 45mins on a phone all without saying anything past hello. (DH just told her I don’t really use my phone now)
We’ve had a shit couple of weeks leading up to our youngest’s birthday because we cancelled the family party as my DF is shielding and FIL is shielding (they’re divorced) she’s now insisted we have her and my DM here... and sulking about gifts...
I’m just so done with her drama, I’m full of resentment and really just want to go NC but can’t really do that to DH, it’s his mum. Can I just follow up every insult with fuck off? 😂 I’ve been quietly polite and avoiding conflict for over a decade, how do I change my approach without looking like I’m losing it over a small remark about how I really, “shouldn’t wear that length skirt, it makes you look dumpier than you are darling.”
TL;DR - I find MIL rude and selfish and would quite like to change my approach from ‘conflict avoidance’ to a comfortable place between - ‘do you mean to be so rude?’ And ‘just shut the fuck up’