Tips for moving on..

[Rockylove]

So just split up from my boyfriend of 2 years. Didn’t live together or have any kids. I’ve posted before about some of our problems.
Last year we were perfect but this year it has all gone wrong. We tried to work things out but it wasn’t to be. We have both agreed to split, it is mutual and amicable.

We are still sending a message to each other once a day or every other day with general chit chat but this will eventually tail off. I think it was just so it wasn’t a complete shock cutting each other out of our lives.
Problem is I don’t know how to move on, I have so many happy memories with him, so many pictures, ticket stubs etc and even things booked to attend together for later in the year which we won’t be going to together any more.

Certain songs, tv shows, places, restaurants remind me of him.
How do I stop feeling sad about it all, I know it’s the right thing to do but how can I move on.
I want to start dating fairly quickly after this as I am nearly 30 and want to start to think about settling down etc
I don’t have any friends and there’s not much to do socially to take my mind off it due to coronavirus etc.

We’re not right for each other but he was my first love and series boyfriend. It will get better and I will find someone better right?

I would say cut contact completly. And the cliche about give it time. In time you will think less and less about him. For now, when you do think about him, focus on what was wrong between you and made you wrong for eachother.

Well first of all well done for seeing that you weren't right for each other and moving on amicably , so many people in your position might have stayed to stave off the loneliness so that was brave.

Secondly , I have , in my life , felt the most awful, crushing heartbreak I ever could imagine possible (( am dramatic !!!). And I have moved on to a really good relationship that is all I want in life and I am very happy now.

There are never any guarantees in life, no matter what you do . But the fact you have started to move on and look forward , you know what you want all bodes well for you finding someone else and being happy.

I would use the time just now to do what you like, maybe find a home based hobby or read self help books , exercise and get outdoors as much as possible and learn to enjoy your own company.

The daily contact wont help! try to ease off or tell him you need to heal and no more contact until you're ready.

Although your break up was amicable, it would help if you got rid of all reminders like ticket stubs etc; or at least box them up and put them out of sight.

This is really bad time for a break up, but try to find people to talk to online, not dating sites just yet - give that a little more time. Also chat to people in queues, shops, parks. Just a small remark can lead to a conversation and that makes you feel good and 'connected' to other people. Look for chat forums that echo your interests.

The reminder songs etc will always be there, but you'll eventually get over that. It takes time, but you will.

I would cut contact, having him in your life is keeping you bound to him emotionally. Although its hard to think of them non stop at the beginning, try and distract yourself even if its a short time at first, do something that you enjoy however small some ideas could be a word search, puzzle, talking to others on here, watching a feel good movie, baking.

Give yourself a little time to heal and date again when your're ready.

Thanks all, appreciate the comments. I’m distracting myself by reading lots of threads on here in the garden today😊 I know it will get better just need time. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway ha

Have you listened to any Jay Shetty podcasts? He has been a godsend in helping me move on. He is so positive, and helps you see and think clearly. Also podcasts in general will help you feel connected, and as though you are spending time with good friends when you are in fact alone! The High Low is particularly good for this!

You have to stop all contact. You'll never get anywhere if you keep speaking to him.

Cut contact OP. I split with someone a few weeks ago. No contact because it doesn’t help you to get over the thing you’re hurting from by using the thing that hurt.

First bit is admittedly awful, but it’s like withdrawing from something or being in shock. Each day gets better and it’s a cliche but time really will heal. The contact each day is preventing that healing from even starting.

Even with a lot of other stress at the moment, I’m getting moments of joy and optimism, and most of all, peace. Just try it for one month. Put yourself first and do nice things. What do you have to lose? Good luck op.

I’m so sorry OP. Break-ups are hard and it does just take time and having to go through all the crap feelings that that brings with it unfortunately. The other posters have given excellent advice but I couldn’t help noticing you said in your first post that you don’t have any friends - that struck me as something you could perhaps try and work on a bit now, as I’ve always found the support of my friends invaluable when going through relationship troubles. Obviously meeting people in person isn’t really an option at the moment but could you perhaps join some meet up sites or forums for interests you have and get chatting to some likeminded people? Or maybe there are community groups around you organising things that you could join in with?

The first step is to stop texting him.

Oops wasn't done.

Then you grieve. Then you find other joys in your life and then your new and better life begins.

Grieve for the loss first and then cut all mental ties and find hapiness in all other things.