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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What to do...

7 replies

YommyMommy · 14/06/2020 01:31

So I have been seeing this guy, who seemed to be a dream come true...

Problem is I think he is a compulsive liar...i have giving him a number of opportunities to have puts to his lies so as not to embarrass him or confront him...but he doesn't take the outs...is this a trait of compulsive liars?? Or would they usually take the out?

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

backseatcookers · 14/06/2020 01:46

Does it matter? He's lying to you repeatedly, end the relationship surely?

Why are you giving him outs to help him not be embarrassed, rather than acting on the knowledge he lies frequently and getting yourself out of the relationship?

Checkingcrosses866 · 14/06/2020 03:06

A compulsive liar would be a deal breaker for me personally. Honestly is very important to me. I think it might be easy to overlook now in the midst of the excitement of a new relationship but long term it would be very very draining.

vikingwife · 14/06/2020 03:11

It is easy to appear like a dream come true when you’re a compulsive liar.

All I will say is my friend from school was a compulsive liar. I loved her dearly for over 20 years. She was so much fun & great late, her lies were pushed aside. One day her lies & recklessness caused a destruction to my life which has had a lasting impact on me & my family. I cut her out & haven’t looked back.

My advice would be to run. Now. You will never be able to truly trust this person & they will lie to get themselves out of any trouble.

Everybody lies, but pathological liars will cause you grief eventually.

ChristmasFluff · 14/06/2020 10:56

A compulsive liar is a dream come true?

You need to be dreaming better dreams

Bunnymumy · 14/06/2020 11:16

Run. If they are in the habit of lying about every little thing it's usually because they have bigger things to lie about too.

Not taking the outs you give him shows that he genuinely doesn't care about lying to you. That he thinks you are stupid or so into him that you will continue to tolerate his bullshit. Potentially dealing with a narcissist as this shows the arrogance of one.

Lying is about the biggest red flag there is. Even if it's just story exaggeration to make him seem more interesting.

Bunnymumy · 14/06/2020 11:22

Also if these 'outs' are things like 'maybe I misheard you' or 'I could be mistaken but...'. Those are things a narcissist would very much want to hear. And encourage you to say aloud because saying these things aloud a lot can make you actually feel that way. And they want you to feel like you are mistaken/too sensitive/going nuts...ect...ect.

So by saying these things (and just being met by a steely silence or them not taking the out in another way) you are actually saying to them 'yes,I am an easy target, continue'.

Windyatthebeach · 14/06/2020 11:23

You need to raise your bar op.

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