He's just not that into you

[crazybutkind]

I have had a lot of resentment building up for a few weeks now and tonight I just thought "he's just not into me".

Been with OH for 4 years now and we have nothing to talk about, I pleasure him maybe once a week I don't get anything in return I practically wipe his ass I do all the finances, cleaning, cooking and 70% of childcare

The past few weeks we have barely spoken just about anything.

We seem to chat with our DD but never directly to each other and when she goes to bed I try and engage in conversation about the tele, something Iv seen/read conversations I have had with others and he is just not interested.

I don't feel my best looking at the moment and most days just wear comfy clothes. I don't put my make up on or do my hair so then I think should I start making more effort? Is it that he doesn't fancy me anymore?

A lot of the time I think I genuinely get on his nerves and just annoy him.

I have made comments like "you've been quiet today" and he doesn't answer me.

A lot of the time in fact he doesn't answer me it's not that he can't hear he just doesn't answer I ask him if he heard me he will say "yes I heard you" but doesn't follow up as to why he is ignoring me. Iv called him ignorant and rude in the past and get upset about it.

Is this normal?

Nope it's not, you deserve far far better. Sounds like your relationship has run its course! We've been together 20 years both WFH and not interacting much with colleagues (type of work we do) and we still find stuff to chat about in the evenings. Often we choose TB to watch together so we can chat about that, or the news or just "stuff".

I think it's run it's course too. We haven't been out for nearly 2 years now on a "date" even though I have asked time and time again to just go for a meal or shopping or the cinema and explained I went to get dressed up and just me and him go out and 2 years later I'm still waiting

We are home bodies (3 teens still at home, cats + dog) and even we manage to go out out at least twice a year!

Other stuff we will do as a couple spending time together:
Trudge around the car boot sale
Lunch in a local cafe at least once per month
Dog walk together every weekend (sometimes both days)
Trip to a lovely town 45 minutes away for a mooch and lunch together.

When the kids were little we probably went out in the evening 4 times per year as we were pretty broke!

This sound incredibly lonely

He sounds very ignorant and rude to ignore you when you speak to him. If he isn't feeling it he needs to man up and say it to you, or at least have a conversation about how he's feeling.

You deserve better than this, I bet it would feel less lonely being single than what it would be staying with him and getting nothing back.

Stop engaging in pleasure for “him” and I’m sure this will lead to a prompt conversation on his behalf!

This is not normal at all OP. Even the way you put it I wouldn’t engage in sexual activity if it’s one sided plus he can’t he be bothered to communicate with you.

What are you getting t out of this? He's serviced, what about you? You aren't enjoying conversation or closeness, nor sexual closeness. So what's the point?

You are worth more than this! Please focus on you and your daughter instead of feeling you have to stay with this cruel, nasty man. Don’t start to analyse yourself, he wants you to find faults in yourself (the faults that he has pointed out to you) so he can manipulate you more. Please, you just need to get away from this disgraceful man. He will only get worse.

He ought to be ashamed of himself, the problem being he probably will never feel this. There are so many services available to you. Please just search things like ‘partner being manipulative’ .

I really do hope that you listen to the posters on here. It will keep you and your daughter safe and let you and your daughter live rather than just existing. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER DESERVE BETTER.

I am going to try and air some of this today, I woke up this morning feeling sad like I have many mornings. I understand people have been in lockdown and probably seeing more of OH than usual and maybe I'm just irritable but there's nothing to look forward to, I'm so fed up

I hope you manage to talk to him, op. You sound so sad and life doesnt have to be like this.

Ignoring you when you speak is not acceptable. Of course that treatment is going to impact negatively on you.