My husband has run up loads of debt....

[McMummy]

I just found out that my husband has run up loads of debt on the credit card(s). We have already had 2 consolidation loans.
The first one was because he was using his credit card for business trips (which is normal) but was not putting the money back when he was reimbursed. I accepted responsibility as well because I ignored alot of money issues.
Then 2 years ago, I found out there was more debt on the credit cards. We had agreed not to spend on it. I told dh that I could not live like that and would leave if ever this happened again.
Well, you guessed it, its happened again. We were just getting everything paid off (i thought) and i found about 9,000 pounds worth of debt on 2 credit cards. I am so sad. I don't have credit cards in my name, but I did trust that he was not using them. The thing is, he is a good guy who has issues with money. I just feel so sad. He says that he truly didn't realise how bad everything was, he never looked at the bills. I was just thinking that maybe we could FINALLY move in the next year or 2. Now I feel that it will never happen. I feel so betrayed, and like the trust is long gone. I feel so foolish!!!

How terrible for you! I don't really know what to say except that people who have problems with money are generally doing it b/c of other reasons IYKWIM. sometimes it harks back to the way their parents dealt with money or maybe it is due to issues of poor self-image or something like that. I have a good friend who does this. She spends when she is depressed, when she wants to impress people and when she is lonely. She has run through an incredible amount of money, has loads of debt and really nothing to show for it. Would he agree to go to counselling?

So sorry to hear you are going through this

There is an agency called Christians against poverty who will help you sort it out. You don't have to be a Christian for them to help you. Just google it and put your post code in, to see if there is an office near you.

Yes, I've heard they're very good.

Hi, sorry you are going through this. I bet you feel very betrayed. I have done this to my husband - I know I have issues with money and am desparately trying to sort them. It may take counselling.

For me, I now have no access to money other than a cash card with limited funding in. Sounds harsh, but until I can trust myself, and more importantly my dh can, its what we have to do.

You need to sort out why he does this. Its not that easy to get help - most orgnaisations deal with other sorts of addictions - gambling, drinking etc. Does he know why he does it?

Thanks for your replies. Niceglasses, I think thats what I will have to do(only give him access to a limited amount of funds) I'm not sure why he does it, but he didn't have a verry happy childhood - parents fought all the time, drunk lots, but he was loved.
I will try the christian charity thing. He has agreed to go to counselling.
Thanks again for the support, I was expecting everyone to say "BIN HIM!"

If the re-payments are too much you could see the Citizens advice bureau. My DP is £35k in dept and they recommended a company called Payplan that deal with your bank and get you lower repayments and no interest. It messes up your credit rating though.

bump

my dh did this, didn't pay the council tax or the bank loans or the credit card bills etc... ran us into 15k worth of debt, and the first i heard of it was that i got sent a court summons for non-payment of council tax.
i have very nearly left him several times, he is a lovely guy, just very shit with money. he now accepts that i open all of his post, i check all the bills have been paid etc. he still messes up now and again, i think he will just always be shit with money. it is very hard to trust someone again when they have betrayed you like that, and tbh i still don't really trust dh about money, i do trust him about everything else tho.

so you are not alone, try councelling and also maybe try citizens advice bureau, and maybe moneysavingexpert.com

hugs xx

Awful for you, what sort of thing was he spending it on, did you never suspect?

Did you keep an eye on all the other finances?

This is just as much about the secrecy etc and he needs professional help. I hope he can sort things out and that you get through it.

From what I can tell, he was just spending it on regular stuff, things that we would use our normal account for, then the interest just kept piling up. To be honest, I'm not too sure as he said that he just shredded the bills straight away.

Sorry if I sound cynical but that seems a lot on 'normal' things - almost £90 per week if you do a rough calculation over 2 years.

Just wondering if there is more to it like a gambling addiction (why shredded the bills?) - that will need professional treatment otherwise you may find yourself in the same position again in a few years time.

No, don't think its gambling. The one bill I did see had transactions from shops - Wickes ffs! I am petrified that it will happen again. Am looking into counselling tomorrow