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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just need some feedback

6 replies

AnnaLizzie · 13/06/2020 21:11

Hi there, I am just looking for some feedback, as I feel quite confused... It's a bit of a long story... My husband and I have been together nearly 12 years now, 2 little ones... A couple of years ago I found out that he had cheated on me, only online though, so not in real life, but he did have quite the long and private conversations with this person, and they exchanged photos and videos... That has since stopped, but I know that he regularly watches porn and talks to strangers on Omegle. He says that the chats are not sexual, however at least on a couple of occasions he was chatting in bed and without him knowing I looked over his shoulder and saw that the conversations were sexual... I have also found sexual conversations in his Kik account... I have confronted him about his little lies a few times and he always just says that he didn't tell me because he was embarrassed, and that it is all innocent as they are complete strangers... but lately I have just stopped telling him when I find out yet another lie, because I know what he is going to say and I am getting tired of it all... I know for a fact that he is still lying to me, albeit about "little things"... He does say that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and that does feel genuine... so I am not sure what to think anymore? A few days ago I was snooping in his phone - which I admit to doing regularly - and I found a text message from a private number giving an Omegle verification code. As I am not familiar with Omegle at all, could anyone please explain to me when Omegle sends a verification code? I have no idea what this means... Sorry to be a bit all over the place with the text and thank you for reading. I was just wondering if all of this is fairly innocent or if you consider it cheating? Is watching porn comparable to having sexual talks with strangers? Thank you for your thoughts...

OP posts:
Teacaketotty · 13/06/2020 21:13

For me porn is one thing but chatting online crosses a line which is a deal breaker for me. It’s absolutely cheating in my eyes!

ThatLockdownLyfe · 13/06/2020 21:14

You feel quite confused?

I doubt it. Your partner is cheating on you. You are not ok with that. It's time to end the relationship.

Nowt to be confused about.

He does not get to decide where your boundaries are. Only you can.

AnnaLizzie · 13/06/2020 21:15

I forgot to say that for the last couple of years we have hardly had any sexual relations, as he is never in the mood, and that what makes it extra hurtful... I think he is probably not attracted to me anymore, because I am now a middle aged woman and after my two pregnancies I have gained about 10 kilos... he works with lots of young female colleagues so I guess I am just not attractive enough anymore...

OP posts:
Teacaketotty · 13/06/2020 21:18

Please don’t put yourself down this way OP, he’s a sleaze who gets his jollies from porn/online chats - neither of which reflect real life adult relationships.

End it for your own good!

AnnaLizzie · 13/06/2020 21:18

Thank you for the quick feedback. It makes me see things a bit clearer... It does feel genuine though when he says he wants to stay with me and we do have nice conversations together... also, it would be very hard to leave him, as we have a disabled son and we really need both our incomes to be able to send him to a private school that can meet his needs... but the feedback does help me to know where I stand, to be less confused...

OP posts:
AnnaLizzie · 13/06/2020 21:21

Can anyone tell me what the Omegle verification code is about? Does that mean he is talking to a person he has the phone number of, and therefore not an anonymous person anymore?

OP posts:
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