I know I'm not supposed to stress about 'him'

[newlifenewname]

But I'm worried about xdp. Worried that he might not be okay, worried that he might be lying to me or manipulating me, just worried really.

We've been through a dodgy on/off sort of patch the last couple of weeks but essentially we are still separated due to his emotional abusiveness (v. occasionally physical) and in this time he has found someone else and has a fling going on with her and I've dated other people. He kept his stuff secret and we had big talks about the state of play and eventually decided last week not to try again (me and him). However, he crumbled a bit and we slept together twice.

We were still talking stuff through and it has been emotionally extremely tense. He was due to phone me on Thurs to confirm plans for the weekend of our son's birthday. He didn't call and then on Friday I got a text saying "sorry I'm running away from everything, I can't cope, I'm going to my dad's. So sorry". He hasn't seen his dad for 3 years and they weren't speaking.

I texted saying I was disappointed but understood that he needed some space. He texted back to say thanks for the support and asked me to check out a song by the Foo Fighters. I did and texted him back to say I was unsure what he meant, etc. and so on.

He texted once on DS2 birthday to ask when it was okay to talk to ds2. I texted back to say I'd call at a good moment. I did, he didn't answer and have heard NOTHING since. So, basically, he missed all of Ds2's b. day which is really not like exdp. I texted once today to ask if he was okay and he hasn't replied.

What do you think?

There is every possibility he is off with new flingette woman having a shagathon but very odd that he made no effort on ds birthday.

Should I worry?

2young2know

0808 2000 247

^^Phone number for womens aid ^^^

thank you

But one day he might die like my friend did Cod and I stillfeel bad about doing nothing when he had his phone off the hook. By the time I acted his body was rotting away

well you cnat bee there allt he tiem fro it
if he dies its his fault not yours

adn its arch controlling isn ti
the threat he may take ano verodse so oyu cant nto be in touch
if he is going to then youcant stop him.

Yes, this is how it always was with us. The same damn thing for years and years. At times I have been strong enough to mean it when I think 'if he tops himself, so be it'. This is not one of those times because of recent events.

well you needto get back there

you can't let him continue manipulating you like this. It's particularly unpleasant in light of you losing a friend recently.

Nothing still. I know he manipulates me like this,it is what he does but why so sudden after we were having okay contact and what if he is dead somewhere? I'm super stressing about this now to the point of feeling sick. DCs asking about him all the time is soooooooo not helping.

He hasn't been online as far as I can tell and his father would have been at work today so he would have had access to the computer.

There's no real reason for him to use disappearance to upset me because we aren't together anymore so it makes far less sense that he is just being an arse.

what would your counsellor or whoever has supported you through leaving him tell you about dealing with this? In fact, I think you should speak to Women's Aid helpline to work through your feelings on this.

My feelings are pretty similar to Cod - that he isn't your responsibility. I don't think emotional abusiveness necessarily follows logical rules, so don't tie yourself up deciding this instance is inevitably more worrying because it doesn't fit the pattern you are used to.