I have ended relationsip recently. Husband was v unsupportive and horrible in baby's first week. I had forgotten but reading through old Whatsapps it has all come back. I am in a state now because of remembering all of this. Please advise if you think it was abusive or just selfish?
Day after baby was born he was late visiting me to the hospital - said he needed to catch up on sleep. Then had ‘trouble parking’
When baby was 1 day old – as agreed we went to parents house first and my parents put on a little tea party - he was really grumpy and rude because he didn't want to stay so long. Was rude to my parents. On way to ours after the party we argued about this, I was upset and crying cos he had been so grumpy, barely speaking etc and said the homecoming had been ruined. He pulled car over suddenly and berated me, said he wanted to be like a husband and take me and the baby home, he made me cry even more.
Later in texts explained that he hungry, that was why he'd wanted to leave. He specifically complained that there was soup being served in one of his texts – he doesn’t like soup and was offended my mum had made it because he can't eat it because of IBS. (There was other food available.)
2 days after the baby was born i was struggling to breastfeed the baby and crying in pain and said 'he won't bloody latch!' And he told me off and said i was screaming at the baby. Which I definitely, definitely wasn't! And instead of apologising to me for misunderstanding he just kept repeating "you were screaming at him", and "you were shouting at him". I can remember sitting in bed just crying hysterically and saying "i didnt shout at him, i didn't! I didn't" husband just walked off so left crying by myself.
When baby was 3 days old he had a long argument with me on Whatsapp. Very circular, went on for hours.
When baby was 4 days old he went out to the shops and came home drunk (i was still bedbound due to birth injuries and anaemia) and i challenged him on this. Turned out he was wandering the streets drinking cans of cider he had bought and talking to friends on the phone. He was quite merry when he got in buy when I said he shouldn't be getting so drunk and walking the streets he became argumentative and aggressive. Went on a rant about how I had asked my mum to by pads for me, my dad to by nappies, MiL to get steriliser. Why hadn't I made a single list?? He gesticulates a lot when he is upset and I have asked him countless times not to do this, as it scares me (previous bad experiences). He was gesticulating a lot which I found very triggering and asked him to stop but he said it was unreasonable of me and juat kept ranting. Eventually he slept on sofa and I cried myself to sleep.
Baby 5 days old – burst into room and he shouted at me (in front of MiL) for 'feeding him wrong' - ie holding bottle wrong angle. Apologised later but said it was only because he cared about the baby.
Also day 5 he said he felt like a slave because i was not grateful enough for all the work he was doing for me.
He decided to give up smoking the day the baby was born and would sometimes use this as an excuse for "being a bit grumpy".
He's constantly "told me off" (can't think of another word for it) for wanting to have this baby because I had told him my mental health could stand it when we were deciding to have a 3rd child (I have history of anxiety and depression). I have unfortunately suffered unexpected MH problems unrelated to the baby being born (we had massive trauma occur during the pregnancy and my MH has been bad ever since, could not have predicted this event happenimg in any way). It seems to him that I have renaged on a deal to "stay sane" or something. He often says "you told me you could cope".