I need a rational perspective on this.

[Comforable12]

Bit of background... I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year; I'm a size 12; my height puts my bmi right at the top of the 'normal' range; I'm reasonably, but unconventionally, attractive. I'm comfortable with the way I look but I'm never going to win any beauty pagaents! I don't ever criticise myself so I think he thinks I'm confident in my skin, which isn't untrue but isn't strictly true either.

I know I've focused solely on my appearance. It's not because I'm actually obsessed with it but because it is relevant to the current situation...

All of my boyfriend's previous girlfriends have been 'tiny' - size 8s and, on the rare occasion someone has caught his eye when we've been out, they are always 'tiny' and pretty.

So, my 'dilemma'.

He's recently completed a couple of art projects for which he needed a woman. He asked female friends to participate. They are both very slim and conventionally very attractive. We were talking last night about his next art project when he pondered asking another of his female friends. She is also tiny and very attractive.

Now, the rational part of me is saying that these women make sense. They are aesthetically pleasing and the 'sort of women' you'd expect to see featured so they fit the job description as it were.

But its also made me very aware that I don't fit it and I am none of the things that they are and, emotionally, it's bothered me.

I guess it's just made me a bit self conscious and sad that I don't fit the 'job description' and it's made me doubt that he finds me attractive.

I really need some rational thought on this

Goodness! Artist’s models, jealousy - it’s the sort of Mumsnet post you can imagine Picasso’s wife writing.

Seriously, I think that while most men have their ‘type’, they are also pretty happy to go outside that type too. He is with you, isn’t he?

They might be envying you your height.

Hope you manage to feel better about it all soon.

it’s the sort of Mumsnet post you can imagine Picasso’s wife writing.

I guess it is!

I think it would bother me less if he'd employed actual models but he's just asked women he knows who fit the job description.

I know I'm not his usual type and always have it in the back of my mind that, if someone who was his type showed an interest, I'd be gone. But I don't dwell on it.

It's just made me feel a bit vulnerable I suppose.

I couldn't even spell my username right 🙄

And I don't feel 'jealous'. I'm just realistic.

OP, if he didn’t find you attractive he wouldn’t be with you? If he wanted to date a very petite woman, he could, but he isn’t. It doesn’t sound like you need to be too worried.

I get where you're coming from totally and can understand that his aesthetic choices may make you feel insecure. What I would say though is that my DH is about as far from my ideal type/previous boyfriends as possible. Doesn't matter a bit to me, I still love him (and fancy him) and think that our DS - who is his spitting image - is probably the most gorgeous baby in the world.

Thanks.

I dont know, I just can't shake it and its affecting how comfortable I feel with him. I feel like I shouldn't be 'affectionate' or whatever with him because I'm just making a fool of myself because I'm not his type.

It's not something I'd bring up with him. I don't want him to know about my insecurities, I don't want to spoil something for him that he's really excited about, I don't want to cast a shadow over the relationship and, tbh, I think he'd just be really pragmatic about it. He's discussed asking them because they fit the image he wants to create in much the same terms as he discussed getting a new kitchen!

And he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

I couldn't even spell my username right
That made me LOL OP

I don't know what to suggest to be honest.
You are happy with you which is brilliant.
So stop doubting yourself.
Have a proper talk to him if you think it will help.

on the rare occasion someone has caught his eye when we've been out, they are always 'tiny' and pretty.

I don't think he should point it out to you if he finds someone attractive. It's crass.

If he does it again, say you don't want to know/him to tell you in future.

hellsbellsmelons

I think that why I'm finding it difficult really.

If I spoke to him, what could he say other than to agree that these women are slimmer and more attractive than me? He's friends with them and has known them all a long time. I'm not threatened at all by them. I suppose I'm 'cross' with myself I think for not being more attractive. Which I know is silly . And, like I say, he's really excited by the potential opportunities and it's something he's worked hard for. I don't want to put a downer on it. But I know that if he is successful, this will crop up again the future. He never says anything inappropriate or disrespectful to me - hes a very decent man in that respect.

NoMoreDickheads he's never pointed them out to me. I've just noticed. But only on two or three occasions.

Fuller figured woman have been used in art lots throughout history though. For example by bottochelli (think he did that one of the chick in the seashell) and the romans also tended to pick fuller figures for their statues. I suppose that was considered the pinnacle of beauty at the time, but still. Art doesnt have to be about capturing beauty. And when it is, should be able to capture the beauty in any person.

Maybe he knows he just doesnt have the soul of a painter. Aka, is a bit shit at art and can only draw skinny women. I think it says more about him as a person if he is only looking for a size 8 model. I'm sure his competition will have more range. And he'll risk looking shallow in comparison.

As for the other stuff...size 12 isnt particularly large. And if he is making you feel 'not good enough' I'd kick his ass to her kerb.

Would you liked to have been part of his project? I'd have said "I will do it" and see what his response was.

I could be wrong but I thought that art was about all different shapes, when you see nude paintings that are quite often curvy than stick thin.
Anyway I can quite why your hurt about it especially as he notice's thinner women in your presence. I wouldn't stay with someone with a wandering eye as I think that's disrespectful.
If your not comfortable with this art project and him only looking for thin models? then maybe this is not the relationship for you.