You guys totally have to help me...

[carbonate]

I live in a large country town where there are lots of little cliques mainly based on income and how much one drinks. Not everyone is 'unfriendly' but the majority are very happy to walk past without any acknowledgement of you, even though they see you everyday. You know what I mean, not everyone is invited to the coffee mornings etc etc.It has cut me to the core many times seeing people gather in local cafes, pubs etc and no ones thought of me, even though I've hinted heavily, I'd like to see them more.
Anyway, there is one woman I've always wanted to build a friendship with. Shes smart, caring, down to earth and practical. We're going for a walk soon, (just me and her), and I cant wait! BUT, I have no clue how to work on this opportunity to try to turn it into a friendship. I have always been reserved in talking about myself but otherwise Im very outgoing, chatty and helpful. My existing friends, who dont live near me, are all easygoing, kind and were the ones that made the effort and built the initial friendship with me.
I'm quite boring really, interested in unusual things like DIY, art, (real) psychology, books, history, so sometimes I get why I'm not in the cliques, but I dont want to blow this opportunity. Sometimes I rant on about how unfriendly our town is, so Ill keep an eye on reigning that line of conversation in!
Her kids are alot older than mine and neither of us work, we only know each other seeing each other in church, although I think neither of us is very religious. I dont know her very well, but she seems a lovely lady, straightforward and popular. Shes confessed shes not into reading, politics or deep discussion about stuff. I really like her, from what I've seen, shes a friendly kind, hardworking soul, and seems so different from alot of her friends, who don't really give me a second thought. In fact, one of them is really quite manipulative, which I dont thinks she's realized, but that's another story and I'll stay away from discussing that person too.

Please help me?!? What are my do's and don'ts, so I dont bore her, put my foot in it or stay in the superficial 'acquaintance ' zone?? I'm particularly interested in how people would suggest meeting up again, as I always seem to get that wrong.

Dont rant or be negative, be open about normal stuff like im one of 3 children, grew up in colorado not my dad abused me kind of detail. Keep it positive and dont try too hard. Your interests are not boring.

You sound as though you are going on a date!
I don't know it's a tricky one. It's hard to make new friends tbh.Just be yourself. .
O ne thing that did stick out though. .no offence but if you 'rant about how unfriendly the town is' that could really put people off in general.
Towns are not 'unfriendly'' and tbh and really no offence but you find what you are looking for. If you have told yourself and everyone else that the town is 'unfriendly' ...so you will find it.

there are lots of little cliques mainly based on income and how much one drinks

As a teetotal that sounds like hell! Unless there’s a teetotal clique?

Why are you so obsessed with being her friend? You sing her praises yet don't really know her at all, in fact she's barely more than a stranger. Your level of interest in her is bizarre.

@Aquamarine maybe OP is lonely and needs a friend? Making friends is like anything else, you need to work at it initially.

Towns can be unfriendly. If you don't fit in then they can be very unwelcoming.

My experience is that people with money are welcome as long as they don't flash the cash or boast too much. Don't make suggestions that change the existing set up. Don't make people feel they are uncultured. Praise the place rather than talk about why your past place of residence was better.

There may be one person everyone doesn't like. Some people may badmouth them. Do not join in. It is likely that the person is their second cousin and they are allowed to slag them off. Even if they are evil personified - do not join in.

It takes time to settle in. Do not rush too deeply into new friendships because it can be hard to get out of them without repercussions. Keep new friendships very casual until you know them better.

Actually - treat it like a date and look out for red flags!

@Cadent

Wanting to make friends is natural, asking about "do's and dont's", how not to bore her, how not to put a "foot in" and being paranoid about topics of conversation is not normal or healthy. The op has put this woman on a pedestal for some odd reason, which is not the way to begin any healthy relationship. You make true friends by being yourself and being genuine. If you have a connection with someone, you just do, it's not something you work at.

Be a radiator.. not a drain. Do you know people who whinge and moan all the time? Thats a drain.
I whinge and moan all the time. I'm just careful how I do it. I always try and put a positive spin on negative things..Don't talk about yourself all the time. Allow the other person to talk. Whatever you do don't be drawn into bitching. Even if the other person starts I guarantee it will bite you on the arse.

I agree with aqua that if you have a connection, you just do...it’s not something you have to work at. If she has genuine pal potential it’ll just just flow. There’s no point trying to be someone other than who you are.

Just be yourself surely? Let her worry about being your friend.

I have always found if a bit lost for conversation and you have done the basics like weather, how are you etc, just ask the other person something about themselves. You could ask about their interests, are they reading something good at the moment, you can't find anything to watch on netflix ATM do they have a suggestion etc, all rather helpful. Even if there is a good movie on in the town and then if they say they would really like to see ABC then there is your next friend date!

Thanks for your replies and helpful suggestions. Im glad especially for the ones who realise that friendship need work just like any other relationship, and grateful for tips like finding things that I do have in common this person, saying what I do like about the town and keeping my personal story light.

Yes, it is because I'm lonely that I'm excited. In 18 months of being in this town this is the first person who has ever invited me out, even though we all see each other at least twice a week. Shes not a stranger, I dont think I'm obsessed with this person or paranoid about topics of conversation. I was trying to point out that this connection has made me happy and that I'm aware of my failings and want to put my best foot forward for this rare opportunity. I'm a reserved person and I struggle with being able to turn 'elevator talk' into meaningful conversation. This person is liked by everyone I've met here, and she's proved what I've said about her being friendly, just by being the only person who's been friendly towards me and connected with me. I really want to build friendships and not still be an 'acquaintance'.
I'm imagining being a radiator, , I really like that one. Thanks for all the constructive tips, they'll really help me. 💞

You sound really intense and a bit desperate. You're going to have to rein it in or she will be put off very quickly

I get you. I've moved around a lot and lost the ability to make friends. I am probably too intense for most people.

The thing to do is keep the conversation light. Ask her what she enjoys doing and try your best to talk about that. People love that. It shows you are interested in them. Try to find common ground, something both of you are interested in. I'm afraid without that, no friendship is likely to blossom. With regard to the next 'date' just say something like 'let's do this again some time' or if you have discovered a mutual love of a particular activity, suggest doing that together.

OP, relax, don't overthink it or try too hard. Don't think of it like you'd be fortunate for her to have you as a friend but that she'd be lucky to have you as a friend!

Had an RAF military couple who moved into the village, they move every few years and were really accomplished at integrating into the village life.
Joined the church, volunteered for everything going at the school- govenance, cake baking, bric a brack, handiwork around the village school, helped with the village fair, joined the cricket club, took all the classes going etc....

Then gradually dropped out of the ones that they didn't gel will as they made friends and knew what they liked and who they liked doing it with.

Loads of effort, lots of stuff they didn't end up doing, but that made introductions and they could then choose who and what they wanted.
Didn't take them long, but they had done this time after time.
It takes the rest of us longer...but the more you try, they more chance you have of something leading to a good friendship and that leading to a friendship group. It'll be something that surprises you that leads somewhere...so try everything even if you are cringing at the thought!

Good luck

Some people on this thread have highlighted a quality that's my main put-off in a friendship - lack of empathy and meanness. So I reckon you're way ahead many already. I understand your pressure, being lonely and out of the way of making friends for a while. It sounds like its knocked your confidence a bit. Others have given good advice. Keeping it light would be the main thing for me. The potential friend has already said she doesn't do deep talk, so think about light subjects tv, gardening, cooking, places to go in local area, funny things that have happened. I make friends easily, but it's usually because I can read the person and I'm happy to talk about almost anything. If they don't like me (or vice versa) then that's fine, there are plenty of other people out there. If you find some enthusiasm from her on a subject then that might carry the conversation forward. Be a good listener too and look out for cues. Enjoy, chill and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

I used to be a bit like this, trying to be less like it recently.

The trick for your wellbeing is to not give a shit.

If you get or keep a friend, so what, if you don't, so what.

If someone treats you badly, bin them etc etc.

Develop and prioritize your own interests.

Don't decide your worth based on how many friends you have.

And I'm sure you're not boring- very few people are, to me anyway.

This all sounds very very intense, that would make me run a mile.

Also reading, diy and liking art don’t strike me as ‘unusual’. It feels to me like you’re building strange narratives

I usually find it easy enough to make friends, although I'm not likely to single out the most popular person in a group and try to befriend them. I usually just get on with things, smile a lot and then people who are attracted to my me-ness just turn up and start being friends. If I have any tips, it's to do good, positive things, like going for an amazing walk and sharing a nice pic from it or talking about it, or having a great meal in a local cafe or restaurant and then enthusing about it. People like that - it makes them feel good about their town and, therefore, themselves.

Ask her questions about herself, show interest in what she says. I am not saying this is the case with you, but many people that have difficulty making friends don't realise that they are conversational narcissists (always flip the conversation back to themselves).