Neighbours am I being unreasonable?

[Fragglekid38]

Hi I am new here so not sure if I’m posting in the right place apologies if I’m not but I am desperate for some advice as life at the moment is a bit wonky.
(It will probably be a bit of a long one, so I apologise in advance) Anyway we have lived in the same road for 12 years and have been very happy here when the old lady across the road unfortunately passed away we jumped at the chance of buying her house as it was larger than ours and with 4 growing children we needed the space We had nice neighbours one an old chap who’s family had lived in the house for 80 years. Unfortunately a year ago our elderly neighbour passed away, and the house sold, we hear nothing about the purchasers until at 7.30am one Saturday a grinder appears, along with a van of men and a complete clearance of the garden starts, with multiple chainsaws going all day till gone 6pm the garden though it needed a lot of tlc had 20/30 beautiful mature trees, mature shrubs etc and was home to hedgehogs and bats and birds we were heartbroken, but nothing we can do. The next Saturday same thing 7.30am the grinder starts (the noise is deafening). So my husband goes out to ask if they will be finished by 1pm (as we’re not supposed to use heavy machinery after 1pm) to which my husband get told to f-off. By the time they have finished we noticed that they have also cut down some of our mature laurels and a small lilac tree clearly on our boundary (we have a laurel hedge between the properties which is ours). As you can imagine by this time we’re not exactly pleased. Our new neighbours gets wind of the f-off incident and appear with flowers and a packet of biscuits first time i’d meet them. I’m ok with them tell them I appreciate the gesture and if moving forward if they could be more considerate with regards to noise levels, I get of course sometimes it can’t be helped but 7.30am-6pm on a Saturday is a little bit excessive (his girlfriend gets it as she has children) but he doesn’t seem too happy with my comments. I then mention that they have also cut laurel and a tree down so I’m not best pleased with this (i’m not cross just telling him what’s happened) he then seems to lose his rag and shouts at me that because the leaves were overhanging that gives him the right to chop it down. Anyway since then he randomly texts my husband about work he’s going to do, never me, but he never says it’s going to be noisy so it’s all pretty pointless. His “men” have continued completely digging out the garden we’ve had heavy machinery going from 7.30am till sometimes gone 7pm, I’m sure at times there just riding around on diggers in the garden as this has been months and continued through most of lockdown which has been awful as trying to homeschool/work with this going on all day is not easy, but I have gritted my teeth. In the meantime his very rude men (there is constant shouting and swearing) have been listening to my conversations, I made a comment about the excessive diesel smell next thing I know he’s banging on the door telling my husband he’s going to fix the digger, then I have a conversation about putting a fence up where the laurel has been chopped down as all his “men” look directly into our dining room as there constantly going up and down the path, next thing he’s round hassling us not to put a fence up as he likes the hedge (strange as he’s obliterated every plants/tree/blade of grass in his garden which now resembles the Somme). Then when lockdown starts I’m having a conversation with my builders on the phone (as were modernising), saying that they should leave site as they can’t social distance and I wasn’t happy with the situation. Next thing I know my husband is getting a very threatening text from our neighbour saying he’s not going be civil anymore (Er were you ever?), he’s been nothing but considerate and there’s no problems with his “men” being there, your wife has a problem with me, your wife hasn’t been tolerant enough, the text overall was pretty nasty and threatening (I mean I don’t think he’s a partially nice person but I don’t really have a problem there are lots of not nice people in the world it’s just a fact) So not only have his men, listened in on my conversation it’s reported back and he’s thrown his toys out of his pram about something that is nothing to do with him, by doing this he’s actually admitting that he is listening into my conversations. My husband calmly explained that my conversation was nothing to do with him and that he could have our builders number and my number so he could call and check that the conversation had nothing to do with him (hubby being slightly tongue in cheek) he graciously said that was ok and he believed my husband, I’m now thinking this man is very unhinged. Anyway we have had 3 lovely weeks of peace (apart from him still hassling about the fence and hedge) then we get a text we’re starting work again inside the house and building a home office (even though the garden still looks like the Somme) Anyway work inside the house consists of smashing the whole of the inside of the house and throwing tons of bricks out of the window (certainly not the way my builders would behave) with very little thought often landing near our cars on our drive, but again I grit my teeth (the roof now looks like it’s about to collapse) Then the grab truck turns up to pick up the tons of bricks that the’ve dumped in there front garden and proceeds to park over my drive so it can lean over into there front garden the arm swings over my drive and dumps all the dust that seeps through onto my drive and cars, again teeth gritted, 4 days of this and i’ve had enough and park my car over my own driveway, so this can no longer happen (obviously we don’t feel comfortable talking to him) Then 3 days ago the home office construction starts, not sure why 2 diggers and dump truck and an industrial size whacker are needed to build a home office but the noise is horrendous (you can hear it 3 streets away). Please also note my new neighbours don’t live in the house so they don’t have to put up with the noise and mess. I’m also confused why you need to build a home office when your house and garden are a disaster. Anyway after 2 days and trying to home school/work with constant noise my head is about to explode, about 3 o’clock yesterday get a knock on the door and one of his men asks “can you move your car” (please is not a word that was used), I look at my car confused and say it’s parked over my drive so no i really don’t think I have to move it, and as the’ve been pretty inconsiderate with the noise why should I be considerate, and he was so rude when he asked. I should have said I don’t want your grab throwing stuff all over my drive,
I was not thinking straight by this point, and he never actually bothered to tell me why he wanted me to move my car, just expected me to do it. After this I go upstairs to make a work call, and my husband is on a call downstairs I hear a banging on the door and tell my kids to ignore it not open the door as i’m on the phone. I finish my call and look out of my window to see my neighbour stomping down the path and go downstairs to find my kids upset as he has knocked on the door continually for 10 minutes. My husband who is still on his call has had him continually trying to call him then a text to say call him urgently. By the time he gets off he’s call, he’s had a text saying that he’s done with us never speak to him again say away from his house and that the hedge is his (he’s now ripped out all the boundary pegs parked his digger on the stumps) and that if we go near his property he’ll call the police (the house and the garden is so disgusting I don’t even want to look at it let alone go near it and it’s only because he cut a massive chunk of laurel I have to look at the crap hole). I’ve gone round and round with this in my head and and i’m so confused, would you as a normal rational person send a text to your neighbours like this and frighten there children, over something this petty?
Any advice would be gratefully received as I really, really can’t get my brain wrapped around it.

This sounds really rubbish! I don't think there is going to be a way to rectify this situation. He sounds like an utter twat.
I'm not an expert but this is what I would consider doing. Send a final text back saying not to contact you again as you feel the neighbour & his builders have continually harassed you and your children. Report to the council for excessive noise. Put a fence up on your boundary and send them an invoice for the tree & laurel they illegally removed from your garden. They can cut down overhanging branches. They can't remove shrubbery from your property. Maybe make a claim on the builders insurance for damage to your property/garden/driveway.

OP,

Why have you put up with this is all I can ask?

Unbelievable.

Why haven't you a) contacted environmental health re: noise, b) contacted police re:harassment, threatening texts and damage to your property?

This is awful.
You need to
-make a noise complaint
-contact 101 so there is a log of their behaviour and his texts
-start taking photos of everything! Anything that’s on your land, parking on your drive etc
-find out if any of the trees that were cut down had TPOs

Good luck

Thanks Everyone I feel slightly better that I’m not going mad, and he is actually an utter twat. We’ve put up with it as my hubby is always we shouldn’t sink to his level, and he always likes to see the positive. Also as there are so many “men” round there all the time (there not very pleasant i’ve even read the company reviews they all work for and there all about how unpleasant they are) On the positive my husbands stance means he has nothing on us but we have his vile texts. Thanks again its really appreciated.

Firstly, as soon as anyone starts cutting down trees you should contact your council to see if there are TPOs on them. You can’t just cut trees down these days. Call them ASAP and explain what’s happened that they’ve cut down 20/30 trees. You’re not happy and you’d like to know if any had TPOs. (Tree preservation orders). Contact your planning department to ask what the rules are about noise from building. They can serve a restriction notice to say they have to stop by 1pm on a Saturday. I’m surprised you’ve put up with this! Why haven’t you used the legal/enforcement channels open to you? If it was me, I’d be calling the council to ask for a planning officer visit. Have they got planning permission for what they are doing? Speak to a solicitor to see if you can get anything done about the harassment. Have you got a local residents committee? Speak to your MP/local councillor. Bin off the home schooling for a week and put all your energy into investigating and stopping his behaviour. No way should you be putting up with this. Repost your post on the legal section here to ask for what else can be done

Whilst yours neighbours are unreasonable for cutting your trees on your side without permission i think your attitude was not very accepting or tolerant in the first place.

Neighbourhoods change and whilst it benefited you to have elderly neighbours that were quiet and had cared for gardens, things change and people have different tastes.

We had elderly neighbours who spent all hours on their garden, they both died and a young family moved in. Straight away the garden was ripped up and builders came in to build extensions. A leafy manicured garden is no use to a young family who want to play in it. We must all learn to tolerate some noise, especially if we plan to renovate ourselves and therefore hope our neighbours would be tolerant. It won't last forever. During lockdown normal hours for construction have been relaxed. Im working at home now and have to listen to builders every day from 7.30 until late, yes its noisy but it won't last forever.

I thimk your lack of tolerance has fractured any relationship you might have been able to salvage

I concur with the others that this is awful and it is not a great start with the new neighbours.

I think you do need to contact council etc but this has moved on from that.

Are there other neighbours that may be as impacted as this? Perhaps you could speak to them.

I think, perhaps, you need to arrange a meeting with the new neighbours to try and calm the waters a bit. You need to find out your legal rights around that boundary hedge.

@hammer19
Patronising much?

I think maybe your right I probably could have welcomed them with open arms and shrugged of them cutting down my trees, in hindsight they did catch me on the wrong day, but it wasn’t as if I was horrible or even raised my voice, but I have been very tolerant of there noise and the all the disturbance, day 4 of having rumble thrown on my car was enough, but even then I didn’t complain just moved my car, there is still plenty of room for there grab just means they’d have to pick it up from the other side hardly a massive issue. I’ve not overjoyed about building work but who is. I only got really upset when i was accused of not being tolerant and I really can’t see why I haven’t been? So because I wasn’t overjoyed about the damage in the first place (and I admit thats was a mistake) that entitles him to listen into conversations, make me feel uncomfortable in my own home, and get angry based on what he may or may not of heard and send a vile text? Even then if you think your neighbour doesn’t like you that much for whatever reason surely you avoid them as much as possible, I really wouldn’t expect them to move there car of there drive for me if that was the case would you? Especially if there was a way I could avoid even asking them, and I certainly would tell my builders to leave them alone, if one of my builders did go round and they refused, I certainly wouldn’t then go round there myself and bang on there door in an obvious rage for ten minutes when they have children home then send a vile text. If you think thats expectable then fair enough. If you could also explain where you think I haven’t been tolerant as I’m so confused?

Council to complain about noise, also check the planning application if there is one. Pretty sure your other neighbours not happy either. Get one on those ring doorbell or some sort of camera up. And a fence as tall as you can erect legally. He sounds horrible.

Thanks StrongTea
I am going to get a ring doorbell and cameras, so if he comes on my property I will call the police as he has frightened my children and thats a step too far. Also a boundary survey done (as this is definitely something he’s got his knickers in a twist about), so hopefully he can put his big boy pants on agree where the boundary so we can fence of the gaps, then never have to see him again, as he is now “never going to speak to us again” I feel I can have a conversation again without the fear of him texting or banging on our door. Its strange though since his rant things have been better his builders finished at 4pm yesterday and no 7.30am this morning. I suppose now were not “friends” there’s nothing stopping us formally complaining, not that I would as that is just petty. I’m just hoping he just leaves us alone now.

contact enviromental health for the noise,
Contact 101 regarding the threats and harrassment, also maybe get your deeds , so you can produce your boundary lines to the rude man!

To be honest, I'm thinking the same as hammer.

When we recall a tale like this to see if we are being unreasonable, we always tel it with a slight bias towards ourselves, its human nature and we can obviously express our reasoning better than we can the opposing view, and to be honest I think you were put out that the lovely peaceful old neighbour passed away, spoiling the dream home you'd wanted.

I don't agree with the trees etc and a quick call to the council would have cleared that one up bit they still may have been in the rights to cut them down
Re the builders listening, they probably did here your comments. I think it more likely the new neighbours have had a go at them following the 'f off' thing and told them if they upset u again, there'll be hell to pay, which means when they hear your comments they let him know and adjust their behaviour or comment on why not.
How they prioritise their building work is their business and the fact you comment on it, does tend to come across a bit arsey.
However I'm not sure how you rectify this now. Perhaps a mutual apology and responsibility taking on both sides and a promise to move forward?

I hope that your house is not attached to their house. It sounds like they could be undermining the whole structure of the property.
There are an awful lot of workmen and householders who seem to think that they do not have to consider neighbours. It makes life difficult but I wonder if it could be harassment or even bullying.

I would consider taking a different tack and once the boundaries are clearly different established and the building work calms down, put your house on the market and move. Unless he is just turning the house around I imagine that the disruption will continue in one form or another and you will not be truly happy there. Any complaints/ disputes would need to be reported when you moved.

Log with 101 and environment health. Photograph, record and evidence everything. You have been far to accommodating and you're allowing this twat to set a narrative that you're intolerant when actually he's harassing you and your children, and damaging your property. My idiot neigubours recently flooded our garden by leaving their outside tap on and going on holiday. 101 were incredibly helpful (as we wanted to enter their garden to turn the tap on) and PCSOs can help 'have a word' if needed. Building work can be frustrating but if it isnt antisocial hours you really cant complain (even if its super annoying). What you should focus on is damage to your property and the harassment.

Speak your your local council. As someone said the trees may have orders on, also you are not supposed to remove trees and hedges between end Feb and end August as it’s bird nesting season. Unless they are dangerous.

Plus the home office, if it’s a separate building, depending on size it may need planning permission, check on the planning portal. If you think it does report it to your planning enforcement team. Whilst you may have to give your name they are not allowed to disclose who contacted them

Contact the Health and Safety Executive about the site too. There shouldn't be bricks coming into your area, it's lethal. Also, they clearly can't be social distancing from your description.

webcommunities.hse.gov.uk/connect.ti/concernsform/answerQuestionnaire?qid=594147

@baileys6904. The guy that told my
Husband to f-off is from another (tree surgeon) company and nothing to do with the “men” on site as they work for my new neighbour so are all definitely reporting back to him. If I had builders who told me my neighbours were talking about me on the phone I think i’d take it with a pinch a salt as there is no way I’d know the full story from a listened into phone conversation, one thing I wouldn’t do in a million years I’d send a vile text, confirming I had listened in. I get what your saying with regards to parties seeing things differently and I have seen other neighbour fall outs. The fact that he flys of the handle is undeniable no matter the slant, and we do have this in black and white.

You need to contact the local authority and the police OP. Next time the builders are there call them. Its is intimidation and harrassment.

You said that the builder 'work for' the neighbours.

Is that on this job or are they his employees? Is he a builder himself?

If so, is there a possibility that he will sell on after this work and you might have nicer people moving in?

Report them. Aside from anything else you are not allowed to cut down mature trees and hedges during nesting season.

bailey and hammer have obviously not had to live next door to shit like this, i have and it can make you feel murderous.