Where's the line between being kind and letting someone taking the p?

[hardingly]

I have a friend who has ongoing issues with anxiety and depression. In the last year she's been through a lot, break-up, house move, work issues, DP back on the scene to try and rekindle things. I saw her about 3 weeks ago (I know lockdown and all that ... it was socially distanced and I was concerned about her MH) and she was clearly showing signs of anxiety.

However, during this time she has been pretty inconsiderate to me, forgetting plans (before lockdown), asking for help and then not getting back to me or suddenly expecting me to drop everything, not showing any interest in how I am etc. I've tried to be kind and take into account her mental health affecting her behaviour. Before all this she was a relatively easy going friend, although she could be a bit inconsiderate. Anyway, I haven't been in touch with her since I saw her as she asked for my help with something but hasn't been in touch to follow it up and i refuse to chase round after her anymore. I'm now at the point where i think I should check in with her in case she's not ok. But ... part of me just can't be bothered. So when should you stop being kind because someone is so wrapped up in their own issues they've turned into a self-absorbed arse?

You stop helping when every time you do so you feel taken advantage of. If you need to, end this friendship. It certainly sounds one-sided to me.

i refuse to chase round after her anymore

That seems like a sensible place to leave it. Just think through what how you want to react if/when she next comes back wanting some help.

People usually go by how we let them treat us.

If the shoe were on the other foot, would she go out of her way for you? It doesnt sound like it. Friendships shouldn't be one sided.

not showing any interest in how I am etc.

The rest of the stuff I can understand if someone's MH is bad maybe, but this would annoy me. I know people in the midst of MH issues can be like it, but it's still annoying.

Before all this she was a relatively easy going friend, although she could be a bit inconsiderate.

I think how you proceed would depend how inconsiderate she was. If she's normally an ok friend but going through a rough time for a year or so, then I would keep her around in some shape or form.

How about being honest with her if she phones and asks for help etc? Say 'Last time I offered X you didn't get back to me.'

And wait for her to get in touch with you, as she might be more likely to ring etc if she's having a slightly better day/time.