Who is in the wrong?

[misskick]

I often question myself if I'm being over the top about certain things in my relationship due to past history. Me and my partner was lay in bed having general chat he is usually always asleep before me so I said I haven't been sleeping well, I've been browsing on my phone if I really can't get to sleep (doesn't help I know) my partner is staying with me. My partner then tells me if I'm on my phone he won't be staying. I Didn't respond straight away as I was shocked as I don't see how it's affected him if he is asleep and hadn't been aware I had been on my phone previously in the night. I told him I weren't happy with the comment he made it turned into a argument and he left!

Well rid of him.

I find that the light of my partner's phone wakes me up if he looks at it while I'm asleep. Maybe it wakes him. If he was asleep then surely he wouldn't know that you're on it.

Have you spoken to him since and asked him why he objects to it?

Does he expect you to lie there silently pretending to sleep bored shitless for hours?

Maybe you keep waking him up by doing it, I see how that is annoying.

Well I would block him off but I'm an insomniac no way can I just lie still and do nothing I usually get up and go downstairs but my ex husband used to flip out at that

I think he's got a point I'm afraid, I'd find that quite rude and annoying tbh, but then I am a light sleeper and usually last to fall asleep - would never get my phone out though whilst in bed with someone else.

If he was awake I could totally see how that would be annoying but I usually try for a good hour to get to sleep myself, if not I will pick my phone up and usually just read through threads in mums net. He is always sound asleep. When I told him I wasn't happy with what he said he got very defensive saying I am causing a argument. He didn't say it like that! I wouldnt dream of telling him not to do something otherwise I wouldn't stay. I often doubt myself but deep down I don't think that comment is ok!

He would not be happy with me getting up and going downstairs either! He doesn't wake at all I know he snores loudly.

He not only expects you to lie next to him pretending to be asleep, but he snores loudly meaning you would be resenting him at the same time!

He should jog on.

But he didn't even know I had been going on my phone when I couldn't sleep, it was only because I had said about it he knew that's what baffles me!

Hi Op
He is in the wrong IMO. I feel his comment was unreasonable and controlling.
I would advise not to text or call him, wait for him to first. He needs to apologise and it needs talking about if you feel he's worth it still.
Good luck

If he didn't like it at the time he could've said 'the light of the phone's keeping me up,' or something, then you could've done something about it- stopped, dimmed it or gone in the other room or whatever.

Saying he will leave as an immediate response rather than saying to you that he doesn't like X and could you do it differently, is a stroppy/controlling overreaction.

He would not be happy with me getting up and going downstairs either!

What would be his problem with that? It sounds like he wants to control the minutiae of your movements in your own home.

In the bin and block him and keep him that way please.

it was only because I had said about it he knew that's what baffles me!

Well then that's just him being controlling for the sake of it really.

Your partner's being an idiot. People who can't sleep frankly have to do whatever it takes to break the cycle, and looking at something on your phone is an awful lot less disturbing than putting the light on and reading.

Well as I lie here now scrolling and commenting, DP is snoring soundly beside me. He knows I use my phone when he sleeps, I suffer from sleep paralysis and I'm scared to sleep for days, even weeks after an episode. Most DP has ever said is he thinks I should dim the screen.

Tell him to jog on OP, he's being controlling.

It’s an odd thing to say. I think I’d want to clarify what he meant and what his problem is before I could decide whether to be angry about it or not. His “didn’t say it like that” does suggest that this might have been an idle and thoughtless comment which has escalated.

I wouldn’t want my partner on there phone while I’m asleep, I wake really easily so I would tell them to turn it off.
If you want to play on your phone then go downstairs.

He is. I have trouble sleeping - I usually find old long wikipedia threads about science or maths I can't understand and read it to go to sleep.

She’s not allowed downstairs!!!! Really even if the light of the phone did wake you up surely you would say “ the light is disturbing me” not “ if you’re going to be on your phone I’m going”. Who talks like that ? ( unreasonable people that’s who)

If he had said to me it was affecting his sleep, waking him etc I would totally understand, but he didn't even know I had been having trouble sleeping and on it so obviously he has been sleeping well. I just didn't like the ultimatum of go on your phone and I won't be staying. I did try chatting to him told him I didn't think it was ok what he said but it escalated into a argument. He doesn't communicate well most of the time and it can be really frustrating. Now I have pulled him up on it, hopefully he will think before saying it again.

It sounds to me like he was looking for an argument . Because what he said wasn't rational. It sound like me when I have really bad PMS. How was his mood before it?

He was ok, he was tired but not in a bad mood. I often think this when he says certain stuff he wants a reaction or a argument. But he always turns it around so its me and I like causing arguments if I mention I'm not happy with how he says things to me. He makes out I tell him how to speak. For example last night if it bothered him I don't get why he couldn't just have a rational conversation and say the phone disturbs him, or the phone won't help you sleep. Which ever was bothering him. I see that as healthy in a relationship, I don't see that as me telling him how to speak just asking him not to give me a ultimatum if I go on my phone.