Please help- is this emotional abuse?

[Helloitsonlyme]

Please can someone help me understand this.
I’ve been with my DP for 6 years, I’m 28 years old, we live together, no children and have quite a nice life, he has a very good job, but do have some issues. He has occasions where he has lost his temper before with me, name calling etc and I have tried to talk to him before about how this is unacceptable. He always says I make him angry so that’s why he reacts the way he does.
But 95% of the time he is lovely, buys flowers, cooks dinner etc. Helps out loads round the house. Would do anything for me if I asked I am sure.
Last night we had both had a drink and had an argument, it ended with me saying to him that I wasn’t sure about our relationship, I was unhappy with some of the things he has done in the past (as above). I feel like somethings I just can’t get over and move past these things and I know it then is me starting the argument by bringing them up.

He started throwing my clothes etc out of our drawers, shoved me back so I fell on the bed, then came up in my face and yelled at me ‘I’m going to f*%^king cut your throat’.

I burst into tears, asked him to sleep on the sofa and then this morning have packed a bag and gone to stay down the road with a work friend.

Honestly I just don’t know what to do, he’s messaged me to say he is sorry and wants to fix our relationship. I just feel so lost and like I have no one really to talk to about this. Would you end a relationship over this? Part of me feels like I can’t go back but should I end it over this one comment when most of the time things are good?

Any help appreciated.

I asked mainly to see if there was problem drinking involved.

The shoving and remark are not acceptable, but if the drinking was excessive (e.g., 8 pints of lager) puts it in a different light to if it was a shared bottle of red with a meal.

Well , the reason it's irrelevant us because we are all still responsible for our behaviour even when we are drunk . If I assaulted someone because I had a bottle of wine , I would still get charged for it, as I should.

Anyway , the last thing anyone needs when they are in this position is reasons to justify behaviour or reasons to stay . There is nothing that makes screaming in someone's face that they are going to cut their throat acceptable. The rest was bad enough but imagine someone doing that to you ? Would it matter if they had too much to drink? you're still traumatised .

Thank you everyone.
We had shared a bottle of Prosecco. Which actually is quite a lot for me, neither of us tend to drink that much. But I agree it wouldn’t be justifiable so isn’t relevant to this at all.
I think I do know that I can never go back to him after this, it’s just so hard coming to that realisation that it’s ended, and that it’s ended in this way.

I think you doing absolutely the right thing and I think that you are being really quite brave about it all. I know that's probably the last thing that you are feeling ... Please keep taking care of yourself . I think you may start to remember other things that made you unsettled or nervous about your relationship. Just focus on you as much as possible just now. You are doing the right thing and it's not your fault that you got here . Xxxx

I have found men get worse when you have children OP or your finances are joined together such as buying a house. He is showing you who he really is behind his 95% facade of Mr Nice Guy.

Report to police

Run a mile

Never answer a message or his call again
And do what I did - listen to many wise women on here

They speak the truth this is so so worrying

Run. Seriously. Thank god you don't have children together

I don't think you would have posted unless you already knew the answer deep down, OP. Nobody who says they're going to slit your throat can be allowed to maintain any position in your life. You need to leave, not see him again, and the police need to know what he said.

It's abuse, your relationship is fully over, and there's no going back, ever.

I'm so sorry. You do not deserve the way he's treated you.

There are so many reasons why you need to report him

Please do

You can do it online and they will call you back

I did this before then spoke to the loveliest officers

The threat was very graphic. You need to take it seriously.

You may feel inclined to dismiss it, because you know him, but I daresay you wouldn't have predicted him saying such a thing either, or being violent towards you. A couple of women a week are killed by partners/ex-partners and the most dangerous time is while trying to leave the relationship. Be very careful. Don't be alone with him. Don't go back.

He always says I make him angry so that's why he reacts the way he does.

Classic, classic, classic abuser talk. Blaming the victim for his own abusive actions. Everyone gets angry sometimes, but normal people don't behave like that when they're angry.

Please get away from him and stay away.

Thanks OP. Don't take him back.
Everything Bundlemuffin said.
It's for the best.

It's only you he talks to like this

He does it because you make him so mad, he says. What he doesn't add is that it is only you who make him so mad because he things that you should be happy to just do what he says, think what he thinks and behave how he tells you. Because, in his eyes, you are a possession to be treated however he wishes.

He might be different for a while if he thinks you are getting away but as soon as he feels in control again it will start again. He may even suggest having a child together to make it even harder for you to get away and easier for him to control.

Please contact women’s aid for advice. Abuser get more abusive once they know you are thinking of leaving and there was your evidence.
I bet he’s one of the charming ones, everyone thinks he’s great, your so lucky to have him blah blah blah.
I’m sorry but he is abusive.
Please do not go to see him by yourself.
I’d think about reporting him.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I hope you have friends and family you can turn too.
Look up signs of abuse I bet you will notice other behaviours that are a bit off.
You take care.🌺

He said he was going to slit your throat...….think about that for a moment then stay gone, get an injunction and don't tell him where you live.

No I'm sorry this isn't a knee jerk LTB.

I can honestly say (and don't judge me 😁) that I have done a lot of drinking with a lot of men. I am also no shrinking violet so whilst drinking doesn't make me argumentative if someone started I would say something. And in all my over 35 years of drinking with me not a single one has ever shoved me or threatened to kill me

It's safe to say this isnt normal. If you stay you are giving tacit approval for it to happen again, next time worse. Until one day he stops apologising and pleading and tells himself and you that you made him do it.

It might seem far fetched and paranoid but you can not go back. It WILL get worse. And I think if you really think about it you'll remember other red flags. There's a ton of resource and knowledge on here and it's not until people start to find out more about how DV works that the puzzle fits together and things they hadn't thought much about become part of it.

So yeah, LTB. Now, before he gets dangerous and while he's still pretending to be decent. This really isn't normal.

l had years of this with my ex husband. He was manipulative, used to sulk for days, smashed the house up, threatened to kill me. Even repeated that to my mother. l was on eggshells for years.
PLEASE don't go back to him. Your life is in danger.

OP I suggest you believe him.

You need to contact the police and I would also contact the NCDV today and get a non molestation order against him.