Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

[Bells3032]

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.

WWYD?

Thanks

[Jaxhog]

How utterly awful of her. He gifted you some money at a time you needed it, which I'm guessing he did for other family members too. In any case, he wrote his will AFTER this gift making his intentions very clear.

This is greed on her part. Pure and simple.

[Isthisfinallyit]

Is it just me or does she sound resentful that tou and your sis are inheriting anything at all? Nobody makes such a big deal out of a little portion unless they want to control you. Please ignore her, she's not worth talking to imo.

[Eddielzzard]

I would wait for her to actually ask you for the money back. At which point you could say 'great! And you'll be taking into account your childrens' gifts too then.'

Or to keep the peace give it to her. But she's being awfully bitter and greedy.

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

Ignore her and don't pay it back. Your grandfather wanted to help you at a very difficult time for you all and it was his decision and his money. Your Aunt can just butt out and wind her nasty, greedy neck in. If she keep hassling you, just block her. It's lovely of you and your sister to help your Dad out financially in his retirement and I'm sorry for the loss of your lovely grandfather.

[matchboxtwentyunwell]

@mrsm43s message first.

"Hi Aunt, no need to worry I've already given details to Uncle, and he's included it in the paperwork for probate/tax purposes, so everything has been dealt with correctly. Hope all is good with you, Bells x"

Then any comeback followed up with @KaTetof19's message.

"The gift was declared as part of probate, what each person will inherit is legally correct. I'm not discussing this gift any further."

Then ignore anything else.

This. Refuse to engage beyond this.

[Jux]

Your grandfather knew he'd given you the money and knew how much he'd given everyone else, and felt that all circumstances warranted the amounts he chose to give. Therefore his wishes are being carried out already and what the old bat wants is clearly not what your grandfather wanted.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

At least she asked. When my Dh’s grandmother died her family were stealing stuff from the house before the will had even been read. And that includes stuff from the grandfather that was supposed to have been left for my Fil and Dh.

[2pinkginsplease]

I’d ignore her message , what a greedy cow she is!

[VickyEadieofThigh]

Ignore her. It was a gift from your grandfather.

My Dad has been giving money every week for 14 years to his eldest grandson, who is now almost 40 - this grandson is also in Dad's will, getting a quarter share along with me and my 2 brothers of whatever is left in the estate (savings, no property) when Dad dies.

Pisses me off a bit, but it's Dad's money to do with as he likes. And I'm the executor, too.

[CrystalTipped]

She is probably resentful that she's not getting a 50/50 split of the estate, or that all DGC's weren't included. The 15k is the only way she can get at you while still looking reasonable.

I think you should just declare it yourself, and give the tax office their cut. Then she should be satisfied...

[Crystalspider]

This was a gift in time of hardship, there's nothing legal written about it coming out of your inheritance share, also other family members have received money over the years so this would not be fair so say nothing.

[dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby]

It's complicated: www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax/gifts#:~:text=There's%20also%20no%20Inheritance%20Tax,live%20in%20the%20UK%20permanently.&text=People%20you%20give%20gifts%20to,7%20years%20before%20your%20death.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Hold on a moment!

An inheritance of £500k means OP should just shrug and pay up cos it ain't that much money in the scheme of things?

But Aunt, who has no legal leg to stand on and is inheriting a whole £million, is OK to ask / make a fuss ?

Some posters have a weird way of looking at things!

[Witchend]

I thought that mortgage companies didn't take student loans into consideration when working out your mortgage, which may be where she is feeling you took advantage. I'm obviously wrong, but that was the impression I got, and I'm not sure where I got that thought from.
If she thinks that, then she may feel you got the money on false pretences, which may be colouring her views.

[RandomMess]

If you are repaying student loans yes they are taken into account for a mortgage...

[Iseeareddoor]

I thought that mortgage companies didn't take student loans into consideration when working out your mortgage

They do. My student loan repayments were taken into consideration.

[TobyHouseMan]

If your Grandfather wanted his gift to you to be taken into account when the money was split he would have put instructions in his will. Since he updated his will straight after the gift it cannot even be argued he forgot about it.

[Notmoresugar]

Ignore the petty and resentful nasty women.

[WhyOhWine]

I think there will be some IHT on your gift. I know this has already been mentioned and you said that the gift had already been factored into the IHT calc for probate purposes. However, her point may be that you should bear the cost of IHT on your gift rather than it being shared across everyone, ie your share of the estate only is reduced by the IHT on the gift rather than it reducing the total funds available to beneficiaries like the rest of the IHT.

Which as a matter of principle is probably reasonable, although for amounts involved given taper relief etc seems petty. I would definitely not offer to put the 15k back into the estate but I might offer to bear the IHT on the gift (if that is not how your uncle has already calculated things) for a peaceful life. If she does not know the amount of the gift she may not realise it is a petty point and might be imagining a much bigger number .

[Leflic]

Just give her the 3k share and then ignore
You’re all incredibly well off.
She’s tight and you’ve been lucky(having a loaded grandparent).It’s ridiculous making this into more than you need to.

[Tess83]

Are you sure it's not information that she's looking for rather than the money itself? E.g. if your granddad said something to her along the lines of 'I've given some money to Bells so she can get herself a flat' she might be imagining that it was hundreds of thousands rather than 'just' the 15k for the loan. That could have created feelings of unfairness that she wants to put to bed in greiving for her father.

Something akin to that situation has happened in my family, alongside telling the 'child' who wasn't given the cash that they could 'even it out' with the child who was 'when we die' but without putting it in the will or telling them how much was given. It has caused a lot of hurt and damage to relationships.

[gumball37]

Money that you got previously is none of her fucking business. I'd tell her as much too.

[JingsMahBucket]

Why can't some people read the first post? They're all getting a bit more than £1,000,000 each. The op is not getting £500,000, she's getting more than £1,000,000.

Also, please RTFT before commenting about IHT and what have you. The OP's subsequent posts have said her gift was already taken into account. There's nothing to be accounted for in regards to her £15,000 gift from her grandfather.

[Bells3032]

@JingsMahBucket
No my aunt us getting 1million. I am technically getting 500k but it's not really mine to keep as we are using it to give my dad a retirement fund

[MulticolourMophead]

@RandomMess

OMG what a miserly CF she is...

I would ask her for the value of all gifts her DC ever received from your grandfather!!!!

TBH I would truly speak to your Uncle and discuss it with him and suggest splitting the £6k or whatever it is between all the grandchildren including your sister and yourself...

I'd tell her I'd pay the £15k back, as long as the money received by her children is also paid back into the estate. She might back down at that point.